I was strolling through a parking lot, on the afternoon of November 8, 2006, basking in the glow of the light that had just appeared at the end of a long dark tunnel, when I passed by a bright red SUV that practically smelled “Republican.” In addition to the genre and color, what gave this vehicle such a virulently “stay-the-course” aspect was the American flag design on the back window, and a sticker just above it that strongly suggested to passersby, “Support Our Troops.” But upon looking down at the rear bumper, I noted another sticker. This one said, in no uncertain terms, “Impeach Bush.”
Though I have no idea of the voting and political pedigree of the car’s owner, it was a dramatic representation of the interesting bluish-purple tone of this past mid-term election. Though the Democrats can thank their repossession of Congress to high turnout by core Dems and independents, they can also thank the arrival of some calvary from the Republican side ... and I mean, lifelong, rock-hard Republicans who, in some cases, ride beet-red SUV’s.
After having cast off this country’s citizens as right-wing or nonpartisan boobs who care more about the fine points of NASCAR, Paris Hilton and “American Idol” than they do about the stranglehold The Bush Administration and their brethren in Congress had on the country for the last six years, this bold switch in party by many of our red staters shined new rays on the conscience, morality and intelligence of the American people. Admittedly, Bush stole the 2004 election just as surely as he did the 2000 one, and the mandate that Dick Cheney claimed to have two years ago was fragile, at best. Still, back then, it was dispiriting to see that at least half the country still lapped up Chef George’s Iraq-flavored recipe for the war on terror after eighteen months of the grueling, pointless and already obscenely expensive blood spillage in the Gulf.
Now, with a trillion dollar war debt, more Americans killed in the former kingdom of the soon-to-be-hanged Saddam Hussein than in 9-11, and with scandals plaguing members of the Republican Party like a case of crabs, it is clear that even dyed-in-the-wool red-staters have finally gotten religion to the fact that this country is rapidly turning into a Fundamentalist dictatorship straight out of “V for Vendetta.” More specifically, many of them finally came to realize that, with Republicans continuing to hold power in Washington, the Iraq War will soon make Vietnam look like a game of chicken between Frankie Avalon and Eric Von Zipper in “Bikini Beach.”
One of the more interesting developments in this year’s referendum were the wins by the Democrats in districts and states that, for as long as many folks can remember, have been redder than John Wayne’s booze-saturated nose. Admittedly, some of these Democrats, like Jim Tester of Montana and Jim Webb of Virginia, are such ardent aficionados of guns and hunting and preventing gays from getting married that they practically qualify for membership in The John Birch Society. Nonetheless, one thing they are not aficionados of is the war in Iraq and the dinks who’ve been running it for nearly four years now. One of those dinks, Donald “Fido” Rumsfeld, has been sent to the dog pound, and others no doubt will be similarly leashed ... though, alas, the two top dinks will most likely remain in office till the bitter end. Nonetheless, fresh scandals will continue to force many members of the Administration and other Republican pols still in office, plus their powerful cronies, to resign and, on occasion, go to the slammer.
Another interesting wrinkle in the electoral skin could be found in fundamentalist politics, or at least one major facet of it : South Dakota voters’ overturning of the proposed amendment to ban all abortions. Ever since the amendment was placed on the voting docket, the forces of Christian rigor mortis looked ready to succeed in setting a horrific trend that could have removed an important right for women throughout the entire country. Luckily, a long and insistent campaign by pro-choice forces in the state and around the nation convinced South Dakotans - even ones who didn’t necessarily endorse the procedure - that what a woman chooses to do with her body was her business. This also possibly means that former South Dakota Senator and former Presidential candidate George McGovern will have a hotter career comeback than John Travolta. And, if he does, I can once again brag to people that I once stood beside him at the urinal of a men’s room at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport in 1974!
Too bad the citizens of Minnesota’s Sixth Congressional District had to take a leak on the Democratic parade. God’s hottest Mama, Michele Bachmann, despite a slump in support in the last month of her campaign, managed to squeak a win as a member of the House of Representatives for that arena. Luckily, she will be part of the minority and will have almost zero chance of enacting any of the antiabortion, anti-minimum-wage and anti-common-sense policies she has threatened to propose in Congress. And, what the hell, she makes great fodder for YouTube! Another sweetener to her taking office: the possibility that her husband, Marcus Bachmann, a counselor who specializes in “un-gaying” homosexuals and leading conferences about the threat of “The Homosexual Agenda”, will be caught with his hand in the same call-boy cookie jar as former evangelist, Ted “Meth Man” Haggard.
And there are other unfortunate signs that much of the country is still mired in its backward, pre-2006 ways. This includes the reelection of fellow Minnesotan and Republican rubber stamper Tim Pawlenty to the Governor’s post. And it also includes the, er, corker pulled by Senator Bob of Tennessee, who won his contest against Harold E. Ford handily - if by a narrow margin - after successfully scaring those pitchfork wielding red necks who thought “Blazing Saddles” was a drama with the thought of a black man who is lighter skinned than I am besmirching the dignity of white Playboy playmates. Nonetheless, the winds are blowing in a direction as hopeful as the rain that released Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn from their swampy entrapment in “The African Queen.” Perhaps, just perhaps, if the Democrats make good on their promise to begin getting troops out of Iraq and cleaning up the corruption and economic swamps the right has gotten us all mired in, they might get some of the Southern Queens and Kings to add “Hillary and Barack in ‘08” stickers to the Confederate flags and gun racks on their rotting pickup trucks.
Maybe not.
Still, if they want to maintain their slim lead in the Senate and even their powerful grip on the House, the incoming Beltway Queens and Kings had better follow through on reducing corruption in Congress and really reducing troop levels in Iraq. Admittedly, with a President who is as unyielding as the pachyderm that Bill Murray hauled across the country in his second-worst movie, “Larger Than Life” (the worst being “Lost in Translation”), they will have an uphill battle. Nonetheless, some of the blood of American soldiers is on the Donkeys’ hoofs, since so many of them voted for the damn war in the first place.
One of those Dems who voted in favor of it, and who, to his credit, has admitted that vote was a colossal mistake, also seemed poised to ruin things for his party a second time in a row. That, of course, is John Kerry, whose unintended implication that students who skip class are fated to Gomer-Pyle-dom in Iraq, might have been a useful weapon to use against him during his contest with the Gomer Pyle of all Presidents two years ago. This time around, it proved to be as effective in gaining Republican votes as Rush Limbaugh’s brilliant decision to make fun of the world’s most famous Parkinson’s sufferer. The same goes for Bush’s attempt to make one final, feeble attempt to scare voters with the threadbare boogieman of gay marriage following New Jersey’s legalization of it, a talking point that lasted about as long as his reprisal of the tired, flaccid “a vote for the Democrats is a vote for terrorism” bit. Admittedly, a number of gay marriage amendments throughout the country were struck down, but by voters who, at the same time, held their noses and voted for representatives of a party many of them no doubt still associate with all those marriage-minded homosexuals that are threatening to turn into this nation into “Queer Country.”
No one personifies this more than future House Speaker, and “Queer Town” Representative, Nancy Pelosi. Bush’s warnings that the country, should he and Dick meet their makers or turn into vegetables before finishing office (and considering that George now looks haggard enough to join Dick in the heart attack ward, that is a possibility), would be headed by a woman from a city associated with more violations of the brain, vein, groin and anus than “Caligula” and “Cruising” combined, also clearly fell on deaf ears. Or, at least, ears that desperately want to be cleaned of all the incompetence and sleaze they’ve been filled with for so long now. I’ll give the Prez one point in his favor: he did finally fulfill his promise of being “a uniter, not a divider” ... because now everybody hates his guts.
In fact, George did show a little guts, clenched though they were, in having a lunch of crow with the Honorable Dominatrix from San Francisco and extending a hearty congratulations to the winning Dems. He also demonstrated a smidgen of humility, economy-sized as that smidgen was, in taking some kinda-sorta responsibility for the Iraq quicksand and the muddy reputation we have in the rest of the world. Of course, these will be about the last kind words he will send the Democrat’s way, and he will no doubt go back to being as stubborn as a mule in his determination to lead the American troops to “victory” - whatever the hell that’s supposed to be - and as willful in his ignorance of the needs of the American people. He will also try to steamroll as many screwed-up policies as he can in the waning days of the Republican Congress. Highest on his rush-rush agenda is his determination to see John Bolton be permanently appointed UN ambassador, instead of doing what he should be doing with that Walrus mustache, running a Baskin-Robbins. Also on his Christmas list is ratification of his right to listen in on every ungrateful man, woman and child in the country, a creepy ambition that brings to mind Norman Bates’ ability to spy on guests who have the misfortune of staying in Cabin One.
The New Congress, consequently, will have their work cut out for them and will need to make some major strides in Iraq and other key issues - not to mention do as much as they can to tickle Independent Joe Lieberman into voting their way - if they want to keep their control on the House and Senate and send a horse to the White House in two years. And Karl Rove, despite his possible demotion from his Deputy Chief of Staff position and current soiled reputation as a manipulator of voting machines and robo-calls, could still be courted by the next Republican Presidential candidate to stalk his or her rival with smear campaigns and a vengeance worthy of both permutations of “Cape Fear’s” Max Cady. Likewise, the Democrats should be as vigilant as the Gregory Peck and Nick Nolte versions of “Cape Fear’s” Sam Bodin. Otherwise, they, and the rest of us who care about Democracy, may all find ourselves back where we were two years ago. Or six years ago. Or sixteen years ago. Or eighteen years ago. Or twenty-two years ago. Or ...
