Chemistry is a big issue ... What if it is not entirely there on a first date? Should you give it a second chance?
Answer Amy A.:
Chemistry is complex and in some cases, it takes time to develop. Often when I send clients out on introductions, one party feels something much stronger and has an instant attraction towards their respective match. At the end of the date, I ask both parties how
it went. One of them communicates to me a strong desire to go out again and I assume the other respective individual will feel mutual feelings. To my bafflement, sometimes the other person feels very little chemistry and does not want to go out again. More often than not, men quickly jump to conclusions and size up their match within the first few minutes but with women, initially they might not have been overly attracted to their match at the start of the date but over the course of the evening, a new leaf is turned and now she is "into" him. My advice always is to give your match a chance and go out a second time. Sometimes first dates are awkward, nerves are all haywire, and you just are not being yourself, as you are trying to impress your match. . Go out a second time and see your match in a different light. If after date #2, you still do not feel any chemistry, call it a day and move onto someone else. Be honest with your match and let them know you enjoyed your time with them but just do not believe it is a love connection.
Answer Dr. Fleming:
Nope. Disagree. Chemistry is either there or it's not- for a man. Women tend
to find men more attractive as they get to know them. The more they know, generally, the more interesting and lovable, we guys are. Guys really are the opposite on this one. We work by intuition. It's there or it's not. There's very little middle ground.
So, having a second date sounds good. But, very few guys I know are going to
take the time, or have the time. We can find someone that we connect with.
Why mess with second dates to see if what wasn't there on a first date might show up?
Question #2
You had a great first date, who should call for the second date and how long should you wait to ask your match out again?
Answer Amy A.:
Although I liken myself to a modern day matchmaker, I am very traditional and old fashioned in the sense that I think it is only appropriate for men to ask women out. A woman, no matter how empowered or liberated she is, should avoid asking a man out, whether is be for a first or the second date. Now, if you start a relationship, I think it is totally normal and expected for the female to suggest dinner out, but not just in the beginning. Men by nature should pursue the woman and she should not adopt his more "masculine" roles and be the aggressor. A man might think it is "cool" and "edgy" for a >woman to call and ask him out, but at the end of the day, I really feel like men like feeling "like a man" and women enjoy the act of being pursued and feminine. There is something refreshing about a little old world romanticism to engulf your very modern life.
Answer Dr. Fleming:
I disagree! Ladies, here's a secret for you. Men love for you to ask them out!
It's not that you're "pursuing." Rather, it's that you're showing them that you care. Look, relationships are equal. Men should feel free to ask a lady out. By the same token, ladies should feel free to ask the guy out again, second date, first date, fiftieth date. It shows that you care. Also ladies, most guys don't like the idea of having to show that we're pursuing. It's too contrived. We both have wants, needs, and desires. We're (hopefully) all grown adults. Ask the guy out!
About Dr. Fleming:
Dr. Hubert Fleming has written extensively and he has been interviewed both nationally and internationally about dating and relationships. Stay tuned for his upcoming books in 2006/ 2007 on dating for men and dating after divorce. www.drhufleming.com.
You can contact Dr. Fleming at: drflemingetv@yahoo.com
About Amy Andersen:
Amy Andersen is Founder & CEO of Linx Dating LLC : www.linxdating.com . Linx is an exclusive, by-invite-only, Bay Area based dating network created for the "marriage minded."
The Linx network deals with a very high caliber mix of sophisticated eligibles.
Andersen is hard at work on her venture which is due to launch in fall of '06 and will carry over core principals from the offline model to the online world.
