John Ervin: IMPEACHING GEORGE W. BUSH: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A FANTASY ANYMORE!

Come on, ye who loath King George with as much bile and passion as yours truly, you know you want it to happen. Just like you want to date that movie star you see so many alluring shots of on your favorite media outlets, just like you want to win that lottery you scratch untold tickets for at the bullet-proof counter of your favorite convenience store, just like you want to kill that boss whose Dick-Cheney-like visage you see far too many times at your (least) favorite place of employment, so you want to see George W. Bush impeached by the House for his multiyear assault on all we hold dear as a nation. Well, as far off as this fantasy may appear to be, it isn’t completely out of the question. While the chances of Bush being the subject of impeachment, or even investigation by the members of the House and Senate, are, as of this writing - I emphasize, as of this writing - not terribly likely, certain very accessible factors could very well increase that likelihood for the future. For this to happen, though, I, you, and the rest of the Impeachment Army need to get off our liberal butts, and start grabbing the hearts, minds and short-and-curlies of those who saw a knight in shining armor in 2004 and are beginning to see a drunk in a tank in 2006:

*The biggest hurdle to overcome - and, I assure you, it’ll be no mean feat - is to have one or both houses of government taken back by the Democrats this election year. To ease the hurdle, it falls to the House to initially consider impeachment proceedings, and Congress people are easier to replace than Senators. Sure, Representative Tom “Knuckles” DeLay, despite his many legal battles and his decision not to reclaim his post as majority leader, will most likely get reelected by his loyal base, but most members of the House do not hold their constituents in as convulsive a spell as those in the Senate. And should the House decide to try Bush, the Senate, Republican-dominated or not, are required to conduct a trial based on the House’s ruling. If the Democrats do regain the House, or even just the Senate, their majority, of course, will be slim, but with nearly unanimous support for impeachment among the Dems - should they have the cajones to pursue the idea, and should a muzzle be placed on Republican-wannabe Joseph Lieberman - sprinkled with an expected teaspoon of support for a sprinkling of brave Pubs , it is within the realm of possibility that George and Laura may wake up in their silk pajamas to find a most unwelcome document slipped under their door by an underling making a fast track for the freeway. So, gang, your first order of business is to get back to that rotting warehouse you worked for the Kerry Presidential Campaign in - whose walls should be made a little more inviting by the fact that Big John, himself, recently said that, should the Dems take back the House, there was a “solid case” to bring proceedings against Little George- and get behind your Democratic Congressmen and Senator’s 2006 campaign.

*Despite Bush’s last election victory (even if it was another Karl-Rove-directed fraud, albeit a more subtle one than in 2000) and the continuing faith many Americans place in his ability to combat terrorism, more and more citizens are becoming frustrated by the continuing death toll in Iraq, and less and less inspired by the citations of progress and promises to bring the troops home he, Big Dick and the rest of the Capital Capos keep doling out. Also, the fact that, in 2002, Little George and Big Dick, with support from Peptic Colin, lied like a bunch of infomercial breast-enhancer pitch men about the case for war in Iraq will become more and more evident to those who were hoodwinked into believing Saddam and Osama were dancing partners. And, cowpokes, nobody - not even the most conservative and Brokeback Mountain man of them all, John Wayne - likes bein’ lied to. So, pilgrims, keep ringin’ those bells until the neocons finally git on their steeds and head for the pollin’ prairie.

* Meanwhile, back at the ranch (sorry), nearly fifty percent of Americans have expressed disturbance at Bush’s recent revelation that he secretly authorized phone and email tapping without warrants. With a figure this high so soon after the revelation, it can only get higher, and according to a Zogby poll, 43 to 52% of Americans already support impeaching Bush for this wiretapping. So, kids, get on those phones, computers and Blackberries and keep reminding the Mods and Hards that any unauthorized invasion of privacy - even one in a time of war - is another feather in the cap of the terrorists our leader is protecting us against. As you do, be sure to invoke the name of former Representative Bob Barr, a rock Hard Republican who knows a thing or two about having his drawers peeked into after Larry Flynt revealed that he paid for his mistress’ abortion, and who now has made no bones about Bush’s undermining civil liberties and the checks and balances of federal government. And, of course, as you tell the people on your call list about Mr. Barr, be sure to say hello to whichever of George’s operative is listening in!

*With two fresh, Bush-appointed members of the Supreme Court (Chief Justice Roberts seemed like a nice guy last fall, but, based on his recent vote in the Assisted Suicide decision, it looks like he’s another member of the Sca-Lito-Uncle-Tom Justice League) seeking to end civil liberties like the right to privacy as well as a woman’s right to choose, those moderate Republicans who voted for The Shrub in 2004 may realize their tax cuts might not have been worth having their phone calls to their favorite abortion provider as they cancel weddings arrangements for he and his male partner tapped. They also might not like it when their favorite porn channel is pulled off the air or when their kids come home expounding about the sensible logic of intelligent design, all thanks to future possible hit singles from the new lineup of The Supremes. Indeed, moderate Republicans might just be pissed off enough to tell the Democratic Senator or Congressman they held their nose and voted for in 2006 to impeach the bastard they gave a vote to and who swayed the Motown Mojos so very, very far to the right. Hell, they might even think Hillary wasn’t such a bad American Idol after all and pull the switch for her in 2008. Stay on those phone lines, Top 40 fans.

*Those same moderate right boppers, and not a few hard right members of the Republican dance party, have, of course, already expressed embarrassment over the handling of the Katrina disaster by the clothes-conscious roommates appointed by Bush. They also, based on recent editorials and TV talking-head testimonials, seem to be fairly ashamed about the financial scandals of Jack Abramoff, DeLay, David Savafian and others connected with Bush and the Administration. In fact, with so many powerful Republican (and several Democratic) politicos, lobbyists and others whose pockets had been felt by Abramoff giving their dirty money to the nearest charity, it is conceivable they might resent having had to give up that dough that was meant for vacations, parties and strippers’ thongs to be in a mood to kick the back pockets of the deal broker’s most powerful client. So, kids, start dialing up those unlisted phone numbers in the high income areas of your town or city, and sweeten the deal by promising a free order of “Freedom” Fries with each vote for impeachment, paying tribute to the man Abramoff showered the most money on, Representative Robert Ney, who will most likely spend the rest of his days boiling those potato confections he famously re-christened in the prison commissary.

*As enjoyable as it may have been to right-wingers to see their limousine liberal arch-nemesis George Clooney get his fingernails pulled out in “Syrianna”, the fact that their Chief Executive condoned such torture in secret enclaves in Europe and Guantanamo - with Dick “Vice Grip” Cheney drooling on the sidelines - and opposed the McCain Amendment barring detainee abuse, may eventually creep at least some of them out. This will especially be the case as more and more victims of this violation of the Genevea Convention turn out to be innocent ... and white. The thought that Mr. and Mrs. Suburbantie Neocon, and, especially, their Representatives in the House and Senate, might one day have their heads submerged in fecal-scented water simply because the web sites they Googled have become the business of the government should be enough to encourage them to endorse Bush getting his face shoved into the mixing bowl. Hmm, perhaps you should change the order from Freedom Fries to (im)peach cobbler (insert insincere guffaw here)!

*Though Bush’s personality should under no circumstances be considered in any peachy proceedings, the case for his removal could be hammered home to his supporters by the very public testiness this little sexagenarian brat has displayed in most of his public appearances. The needly, condescending tone of most of his public addresses, the visible annoyance he displays at even the mildest challenge from a reporter, and his tendency to snap “Let me finish!” whenever a member of the press corps interrupts his answers - or, rather, one of the many lengthy pauses that take up roughly half of his answers - certainly indicate someone who is so single-minded and unwilling to listen to new ideas or consider change that he is not going to, for instance, let a few hundred thousand dead American soldiers alter his conviction that “we are winning in Iraq.” Even in the cuddly confines of town hall meetings - whose audiences are carefully screened in advance for their Bush-friendliness - Little George has been less the puppy dog his supporters make him out to me and more the rat terrier that he is and always has been. This was most evident when a woman at a recent gathering politely, and joshingly, asked when Laura would become Senator, in the same way Hillary was après Bill. The thought that his wife might one day overshadow him, and the reminder that she is, currently, more popular than he is in many circles, sent this mutt into a growling fit - much like the pit-bull convulsions he visibly and hilariously went into as his 2004 Democratic opponent creamed him during the first of their televised debates - which ended with his snapping of “NEVER!” The realization among at least a sprinkling of Republicans that they might have cast a vote for Washington’s answer to Cujo may make a sprinkling of that sprinkling open to the idea of impeachment. Give it a shot when you call ‘em, and throw in a free DVD of “Dracula’s Dog” while you’re at it.

*Speaking of things that should have Bush frothing, the sight of thousands of protesters over the course of months, if not years, gathered outside of the White House, Crawford, or any speaking post, rib joint or men’s room His Highness happens to hit may never induce any sympathy or participation on the part of Republican voters and their representatives. But it may at the very least, wear them down enough - and cause enough of their favorite ESPN broadcasts to be preempted or drives to vacationland be slowed down - that getting rid of the Old Man may be a way of finally get all of us who had the sense to distrust Bush from the get-go to shut up.

In fact, the impeachment of George W. Bush, unlike that which temporarily stumbled his polar opposite predecessor Bill Clinton, and that which caused his eerily similar predecessor Richard Nixon to do the resignation shuffle, could very well be something that unites the country, red, blue and purple alike. So hark, ye who loath Bush, put away thine handkerchiefs and get back on yon phones, email trams and door-knocking trails and become Town Criers for Impeachment. It’s possible - remote, but possible - that so very many voters, Congress people, Senators, lobbyists and, especially, casino owners, no matter what their political stripe, may be so fed up with George that the sight of him being kicked out of office - even if it means having to put up with the equally loathsome Dick Cheney for the remainder of the term - might be a “where were you when” moment that everyone will remember. Except that this moment will be less like 9-11 and more like VJ Day (with two sailors kissing each other this time)!

For more information on how you can help pave the way for the impeachment of (twice) illegally elected President George W. Bush, check out these sites (just remember that somebody in a Brooks Brothers suit may be watching):
http://www.impeachbush.tv/
http://www.impeachpac.com
http://impeachbush.meetup.com/
http://impeachbushcoalition.blogspot.com/