It’s that time of year again. That time when I get more questions from women about men that at any other time of year. And they all have the same question. No, it’s not “how do I know if he’s the one,” or “how do I know if he’s into me,” which are the most common ones for the rest of the year. Rather, it’s “what do guys like in holiday gifts?
There’s more angst, teeth-mashing, and general hand-wringing among single ladies this time of year than on Super Bowl Sunday when their guy has told them he’s not available for the day. The great irony being, that there really isn’t any reason to be so stressed!
So, here’s the basic insight to guys’ perspectives on receiving gifts.
First, ladies, take a deep breath. Guy shopping really isn’t that difficult. All too often women are guilty of transference, transferring their own perspectives on giving and receiving, to their guy friends. When a lady gives a gift to another lady, they tend to agonize over the perfect gift. Will she like it? What perception is she creating? What message is she sending?
And the same is true of ladies when receiving gifts. What was the sender trying to tell me? What does the gift mean? Did they put thought into it? What was the thought? What are they trying to tell me?
If a lady gives another lady a sweater, for example, the receiver evaluates the color, the fabric, the size, the intent, situation, giver’s motives, and usually, the phase of the moon. She appreciates that it was hand-knitted by you. When a guy receives a sweater, he thinks: a sweater. Not why, not what’s the meaning, or the mood, or the match with his wardrobe or style, and certainly not the phase of the moon. Not who did the knitting, or even a clue as to whether it is knitted (what guy knows what knitting even is?) He thinks- sweater.
Consider some statistics from recent male surveys. Percent of guys who like getting gift cards as a favored gift: 92%. Percent of guys who prefer gift cards: 67%. Percent of ladies who prefer gift cards: 10% . See my point? Give a give card to a lady, and it’s a clear message that you didn’t even bother to think about her personally Give that same gift card to most guys, and assuming it’s a card to Best Buy or Sports Authority, and not to Apparel Boutique, and he thinks great things.
So if you want to avoid gift giving faux pas for your guy, and gain his everlasting love, respect, and overall good guy status, here are some basic rules.
1. Be personal, but not too personal.
Gift cards, or a jogging suit from Sports Authority works. Assuming he’s athletic, it shows that you know of, and support his interest.
2. Select gifts for him, not for “we”
Guys like to know that you’re thinking of them for who they are, and not trying to change them. That book about sailing, if he’s a sailor works. The book on 17th century Elizabethan history probably won’t if he thinks you’re trying to convert him. And coupons for dance lessons, although great for you, probably won’t make him feel warm and fuzzy.
3. Guys don’t like to be led into new things
Much like the dance lessons, guys in general like to discover new venues on their own. So, if your guy loves football, by all means, get him something that deals with his favorite team. If you get him as example a book on something that he has no interest in than that book won’t even make his coffee table reading. It may make the fireplace, however.
4. Avoid his sensitivities
The holidays are not the time to make your guy feel like you want to change him. It’s a time of reinforcing how much you care about him for who he is. So, new video games to his favorite play system are always appreciated. Dance lessons may meet a more blank response.
5. Personal services work.
Ladies, guys absolutely love when you give of yourself. Coupon books for massages, laundry, cooking, or related wonderful and potentially wild thoughts are at the top of every gift list of any guy I know. Be creative. Car washing and dog sitting work. It’s hard to screw this one up.
6. Don’t push his boundaries.
This is a common concern I hear from guys. Guys love getting calendars of their ladies, as long as they can choose when and where to show it. They aren’t too happy about large, framed pictures of you and your three poodles with the expectation that he’s to put this over his desk at work. Quite the stressful situation you will have created for him, no matter how much he loves you.
7. Ask him to make a list.
I know, you would hate to have someone ask for a list, because it doesn’t show thoughtfulness and ingenuity. But your guy doesn’t care. Actually, he’ll be flattered that you asked, and generally will be more than happy to tell you what is on his mind. Supporting him counts for big brownie points. Ingenuity and showing him that you put a hundred hours of thought into his gift does not.
At the end of the day, you know your guy. We generally are fairly easy to read. It’s far easier to make him smile than you’re giving yourself credit for. Get him something he will like, and not what you think he’d like. Then, let him know that you’d like those dance lessons.
And if all else fails, remember, those Best Buy gift cards have no expiration date, so when all else fails, good in a pinch!
For more information or relationship questions contact Dr. Hu at:
