Following a recent article I’d written on dating tips for men, I was asked to pull together something for golfers on dating. My first reaction was “What? You guys (and gals) date?” It was a bit of a surprise to me, but I admit, I really hadn’t considered the concept.
OK, now that I’ve offended pretty much every golfer in the free world, let’s consider this. Dating and golfers. First of all, I do play golf, albeit poorly, so I do have at least some sense and sympathy for your plight. If you’re a country music fan, it might be akin to Brad Paisley’s song about fishing and relationships, that there’s nothing like that next bite on the line. Or, in golf terms, that next perfect drive.
In all fairness, golfers are people too. After all, we all have the same need for human companionship, human touch, support when we’re down, and partners to be with us for all the rest. Golfers just seem to need it less! In the words of many dating-minded females that I know, they’d rather be single and eating popcorn on a Saturday night that date a golfer (or possibly, a lawyer, but that’s the subject on another article.)
Let’s assume that golf is your game. Obviously, it takes a fair amount of your free time. The most important question you need to ask yourself is do you have time to date? Or, perhaps a better way to put it, will you make the time to date or for a relationship. If not, read no further, and happy stroking. If so, and you’re willing to give it a go, that you’re willing to share your time with your Callaway metal driver with some poor unsuspecting female, then please continue further.
In all fairness, golfers do have many socially redeeming qualities that would make them great dates or relationship partners. Some of the ones that come to mind are as follows:
1. Golfers have evenings free. After all, golf is played in the daytime, unless you’re completely addicted and like luminescent balls!
2. Golfers dress well, better than the average male. Remember guys, ladies do like us when we look good, and clearly care about our appearance.
3. Golfers are social creatures, always playing in well defined groups. Women like nothing less than asocial partners, who leave them alone to attend all of those demanding social events on their own.
4. Golfers are honorable. After all, golfers always keeping their own score and trust those that they’re competitive with, a virtue admired by women above almost all else.
5. Golfers are incredibly neat, forever cleaning up the debris, replacing divots on the green, on the fairway, and around their ball. And they wash their balls every few holes as well. I know no one else who can say this!
6. Golfers are typically polite, always letting those further away go first, and being quiet while they hit. So, as a group, they’re perceived as far more likely to be opening those doors, pulling out those chairs, and generally being sensitive to their partner’s needs.
7. Golfers are courteous drivers, always obeying the speed limit and right of way with those little carts. However, they have been known to drink and drive, or even smoke that stogy and drive, so we lose a few brownie points here.
8. Golfers are punctual, always, always arriving on time. After all, missing a tee time would be unthinkable.
9. Golfers are motivated, always striving for perfection, always practicing, looking for the slightest improvement in their stroke to improve their game. The vast majority of women would probably consider this a good thing!
10. Golfers are always positive, always having a kind word for their opponent as he drives his ball into the other fairway, or into that squirrel hole in the nearby tree.
11. Golfers are great story tellers, keeping us enthralled for hours about their tee shot on the 14th at Pebble Beach, and how the ball had to circle around two different trees before aligning for a perfect landing on that wind-swept green.
So, with this short list of many, many great attributes, how could we possibly not want to date a golfer? OK, glad that we have that settled. Let’s move on to talk about dating for golfers.
Golfers that I know group women into three very distinct categories. These are:
1. Women who play golf
2. Women who refuse to play golf
3. Women who don’t play, but might be convinced in the right circumstances.
According to these golfers, there are no other categories of women. And, from their perspective, they’re completely correct. It’s not a matter of women who are professional/ not professional, or women that are single versus those that are divorced, or even younger versus more mature. Nope. It’s those that play golf, might play golf, or won’t play golf. So, let’s consider our dating options.
Women in the first group are probably the easiest to consider and are by far, the easiest to deal with, and access. After all, if a lady plays golf, she obviously loves the game, generally is committed, often a club member somewhere, and would absolutely love to have a playing partner. Perfect! Situation solved! Well, not quite. There simply aren’t very many ladies that play golf. In fact, Golf Digest recently estimated that the numbers of male to female golfers are still greater than 10 to 1. So, you have about as much chance of connecting with a female golfer as I do of out-driving John Daly. And that’s assuming that you find a female golfer that you’re attracted to, not always an easy thing.
So, this leaves us with the other two groups of females, those that won’t play and those that haven’t, but would consider playing. At this point, you need to make a decision. And, it involves knowing yourself, and your wants, very well. You need to ask yourself if you expect your partner to play with you. If not, are you willing to put in the time to share time with her in non-golf pursuits? If you expect a golfing partner, then you’re obviously limited yourself to those females that are willing to play, but for whatever reason, haven’t yet discovered the wonders of the game, as you have.
Let’s talk about those ladies in Group 3, those that won’t play. Why won’t they play? Perhaps they’re not athletically inclined. Perhaps they’ve simply never been exposed to the game, Perhaps they view golf as a male fiefdom, where corporate old boy politics prevails. After all, that’s why it’s called “the links,” is it not? No, it’s not. And, it’s important that you get this message out to your female brethren. Today golf is clearly not simply for the elitist. It is a game for everyone, and available for everyone, and actually fun for everyone.
So, what should you do if you’re attempting to date a lady with this perspective? Just as golf has a few basic rules, so are there too rules for dating for golfers.
1. Don’t focus on the golf, until you know her better. Guaranteed, you will scare her off before she gets a chance to see how wonderful you are as a person. I know, I know, this sounds like a rationale to mislead her. It is not. Don’t mislead her. Tell her you play, just not that you do nothing else than play!
2. Get to know her in her element. Your first moments with her should be learning about her, not you explaining match play to her. I hear so many times from ladies that golfers absolutely love to talk about their game, or anyone else’s game. Don’t do that. Show her that you’re far more balanced as a person. And, for gosh sakes, stay away from the Golf Channel when you take her to a sports bar. Better still, stay away from the sports bar for the first few dates. Ease her in gently.
3. Let her see you in your non-golf element. Let her get to know the you that isn’t wearing the MacGregor rain jacket or your Ping hat.
4. Acquaint her with golf slowly. Acclimate her to the game, break those old stereotypes, show her that the game, and playing the game, is non-threatening, and actually can be fun. Take her mini-golfing. Take her out to drive the cart on a round that you’re playing. Take her to a driving range, get her a bucket of balls, and focus on her stroke, not yours.
5. Involve her with golf. Whatever you do, don’t create an It or Me environment, where she feels that golf is the Other Woman. She needs to feel that golf is a partner in your relationship, a positive outlet for you, and perhaps for her as well.
6. Make sure that she knows that golf is your passion, but not your life. And life-size posters of Annika Sorenstam in your office or lifetime subscriptions to the Golf Channel aren’t going to turn her on.
7. Work out a time commitment early on. You don’t want a relationship that goes well initially, but after some time, she’s clearly distraught (read, irritated, angry, or other choice words) over your choice of golf every Saturday morning instead of bed cuddle time. Work out a schedule with her, so that you know that she’s ok. Or, move on till you find someone that is OK with your playing.
After all this, if you find someone that excited spending time with, both on the links and elsewhere, you will have become a better person, and most likely, a better golfer for it. In the words of some forgotten golf immortal, Never Up, Never In!
drflemingetv@yahoo.com
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OK, now that I’ve offended pretty much every golfer in the free world, let’s consider this. Dating and golfers. First of all, I do play golf, albeit poorly, so I do have at least some sense and sympathy for your plight. If you’re a country music fan, it might be akin to Brad Paisley’s song about fishing and relationships, that there’s nothing like that next bite on the line. Or, in golf terms, that next perfect drive.
