New York, July 30 – Men are all alike. While Claire Danes is in Europe, we caught her man, Billy Crudup, sneaking into an alley with some bitch! After feeling her up, Billy moved onto another, younger, cuter bitch and rubbed her belly. What a cad.

Actually, there were a lot of broken hearts in Shubert Alley on Saturday; definitely ours, because we wanted to adopt all of the homeless critters at the seventh annual Broadway Barks pet adopt-a-thon. (Crudup declined our offer, saying he already has a family.) Founders Bernadette Peters and Mary Tyler Moore hosted, and David Hyde Pierce, Christine Ebersole, Jeff Goldblum, Bebe Neuwirth, Tom Wopat, Delta Burke (in a cowboy hat), Harvey Fierstein and Bruce Vilanch were some of the stars taking the stage holding a hopeful adoptee, telling the crowd its life story and urging someone to give the furry creature a home. Pushy salespeople, sure, but much more fun than spending the afternoon at a car lot, and you don’t get stuck with a lemon.