Here we are viewers, on the final madcap moment of this the final episode. We start the episode with a lovely tribute. It reminds us of the Oscar ceremony where each fallen star from the previous year is given a lovely tribute with a Nelson Riddle Orchestrated, tear jerking rendition of "Memories". There they are, the Teams you love (not love to hate.) But enough of that little remembrance, we have an important job here, a lot of videotape to recount! So Phil now takes us on a little journey back to his favorite airplane hanger in New Zealand. As usual he intones his fair warning....and only one of these teams, (you remember) The Bickerson's, The Smiley's, & The Bean Town Boys, would win The Amazing Race tonight. For the Final time this season we cue up the music that instantly flashes us around the world, in the way, only Jerry Bruckheimer can. You know this music gives us an upset stomach each time we hear it! We don't know what it is? Bruckheimer must have some sort of auditory control of the sound waves entering our brains that switches on the "angst button". We find that we are biting our nails before the last chord is struck!
On to the action....the teams are rustling up the last bit of strength to make it through, what has to be a grueling leg. Tara and Wil approach the clue and tells them to go to some obscure Sir John Logan Campbell monument. (Sorry Phil, we know he is not obscure to you!) The two twins of mutual verbal target practice, head over to the WAITING, taxis. We have covered this subject before in this season....so we will let it rest right there! NO WEEE WON'T! Waiting Taxis, 1:03 in the morning! How easy can it get! Take a deep breath and think, how would Team Zen handle this? OK, now we are better, we took a shopping break. Now, Tara is groaning, because she doesn't know where to begin....try asking the waiting cabbie! Miraculously they do, and they are off to small hill called "One Tree Hill". A suitable name for a country with 30,000,000 sheep! Anyway, The next two teams, Get their clues and head out to the local hill. Paige and Blake are next, about an hour and one-half behind the leaders. They have adopted, or inherited, the mantle of Danny and Oswald by proclaiming themselves to be calm, cool and collected. We just don't know yet, so we will keep our opinions to ourselves! (You know us by now, we won't do that, but it sounded good!) Chris and Alex are next out of the gate, a half hour behind the second place team. They are quotable in the fact they are still confident, even in the face of formidable opponents. They say they will go about their business in a very Boston way.
Tara and Wil, by the way, are now at the local hill. Having had the cabbie drive them straight there. Now Tara, that wasn't so hard was it? They open the clue and are told to go to Maui, Hawaii, over 4500 miles away. They run off to the airport, naturally, and hope out loud to jump on a flight tonight (hello, you said tonight, it's after 3:00 AM now, by any stretch, that's MORNING!) They arrive at the airport only now to realize, we surmise, that it was now very late...my how time flies, and they will have to book flights on the phone. The two trailing teams, keeping a good pace are now arriving at the "Hill" in the same order they left the pit stop. No errors so far! Blake and Page rip open the clue and once again, with the giddiness of a child on Christmas morning, finding a Tonka truck under the tree, Blake squeals with delight about how neither had been to Hawaii! They also add how we are glad to leave the language problems behind them. Chris and Alex join the chorus, when they arrive at the little-raised spot in New Zealand, saying how glad they are to go back to the States. Jet lag has had a debilitating effect on these teams, and it shows from the "deer in the headlights" look on their faces each time the camera zooms in for a close-up. We kind of get a little joy out of seeing someone else go through that mind numbing effect.
All the teams end up at the Auckland airport and figure out the same itinerary. Not difficult, because Bunching has that effect on the airport personnel. They honestly don't give a darn about the teams pleas to keep information from one team to another. They are capitalists, with a job to do a salary to earn. So they willingly get all the teams the same flight and grin every time someone intones, "don't let the other teams know!". This is commerce at its best. They charge the highest fare possible and relate the story over a 3 Martini lunch in the airport lounge. So the routing is the same for all three teams...Sydney, Honolulu, and then on to Maui. A long journey in itself, and Wil says, "We arrive the same day", well international dateline aside, yes you do!
After the long enjoyable journey the flights touch down in Maui, the next evening. Wil and Blake, our little scavengers for knowledge used the flight time for studying up on our Polynesian destination. Tara and Alex, according to what we saw on the flight, used the time to get to know each other better. To the consternation of her ex, Tara was still fraternizing with the enemy, or trying to join the other team...? Tara and Wil having good Taxi Karma on this leg, grabbed a taxi and roared off into the Maui country side searching for a sugar field and then the ruins of an old sugar mill. Now, if you have ever been to Maui, or any of the Hawaiian Island, they're strewn with sugar plantations. It's a veritable cornucopia of sugar! Now all the teams are in taxis combing the maps to find the needle in a sugar field. The order of the teams out of the airport is: Tara & Wil, Chris & Alex, Paige & Blake. This field must have been on the airport runway, because the teams reached it in a New York minute. Tara and Wil finally find the clue box, in total darkness. The crisscrossing crossing of teams across the screen, with the glare of the TV lights, looked like the White House Easter Egg Hunt. The clue then directed the now completely fatigued teams to the Pauwela Pineapple Field. Now next to sugar plantations, pineapple is the next most widely grown crop. We are beginning to sense the Dole and C&H brand names are working this leg of the trip. The instruction tells them there are plastic pineapples in a field, they must walk or ride bicycles provided. If they walk, they look for 4 yellow pineapples; if they take the easier route with a bike, they must look for one red plastic pineapple. Now all the teams arrived in the not so great for the Hawaiian tourist board morning. In a light mist all the teams make the same decision and hike about the sprawling plantation. Tara and Wil, hit on a great idea, placing Tara up high, where she can get a better view. Using that strategy they find the plastic pineapple first. These things stick out like sore thumbs with the fake green leaves. Good job for the Bickerson's to make that quick decision. Unfortunately, the resourceful Alex and Chris were lurking in the vicinity and dove for the pineapple next!
The clue directed the teams to go to McGregor point. Once at the point the teams will have to flag a boat to take them to the next route marker which is located near the popular tourist diving location of Molokini. The three teams are still in roughly the same order they left the Maui airport. With Tara and Wil and Chris and Alex slightly ahead. As they reached the buoy first Wil grabbed the roadblock route marker and decided he would complete the task. Alex's team, hot on the tail of Tara and Wil jumped in to find the under water cases, that were tied to a rope. The roadblock stated the next clue would be found inside the boxes some where in the area nearby the buoy. Alex found the cases first, and Wil joined in the watercapade, up down, breath, dive,ETC.
Paige and Blake arrived in time to join in on the bobbing routine. Now all three were diving and resurfacing more times than an Esther Williams movie.
Finally Blake figured out how to open the case and was first back in the boat. Alex followed shortly thereafter. Now back in the water Wil is still in snorkeling 101. Tara is a big help target practicing with her best line of the night "Wil, everyone got it but you!". Now we know that wasn't a good motivation line, because every time Tara confronts him, Wil wants to sit down and quit the race! Finally after browbeating him mercilessly, a la "LENNNNNNY", he finds a way to open the box.
The other two teams are on the way to the dock to find the next pit stop outlined in the route marker found on the diving expedition. The Huialoha Church. They have really dug deep, in Maui, to find the most out of the way, God forsaken place on the island. Not only did rain dampen the look of the day, but this place looks like a former leper colony! All of the teams felt like invalids looking for this UN-traveled corner of paradise lost. Especially Chris and Alex, they ended up on some field, looking for the sheep they left behind in New Zealand. Tara and Wil were now able to catch up because of the inability of the other teams to read a map! Paige and Blake find the road immediately after Tara and Wil, and both teams are pedal to the metal looking for the church. Now on the correct road with flags, the antiquated little church comes into view. With an ever smirking Phil in view, the Teams arrive roughly equal, and Paige and Blake sprint around a different route to hit the mat first. Tara & Wil are in second for this leg. We are informed because of a minor production difficulty, Tara and Wil are elevated to a tied position with Paige and Blake and therefore both receive a trip to London and Paris courtesy of American Airlines. Awww! Isn't that nice? Chris and Alex come in third, after realizing they weren't on the right road after all! They were reflecting on how they can be doing great one minute, then totally screwing up the next...So now we ask, who will pull ahead in the next leg? The Bickerson's pulled a fast one by perfecting their map reading skills; Team Smiley lit the way by sheer force of the teeth; and now Chris and Alex, fortunate that this was a non-elimination stop, are still in it, but can they muster the courage and more importantly the brain power to pull off a comeback? We'll see in the next hour of our two hour marathon finale!
Where did we leave off? We were just breathing a quick sigh of relief during the commercial break, now back to the mounting tension in Paradise. The excitement is palpable in the Little Pit Stop on the Maui. I expect Michael Landon to walk out of the Church, but instead it's Phil's voice-over. "After the mandatory rest period", sounding a bit like a 4th grade teacher we knew, he continues" the teams are instructed to drive themselves to Queen Kaahamanu's Birthplace, in Hana Bay." Now we know roughly where they have been, the Hana region of Maui is on of the most desolate and tropical regions on the Island. Production wanted to hide the cast members from the prying eyes of the Maui tourist, and locals for that matter. The teams leave the pit stop in the order they arrived and now all are in their 4X4's are enroute to the next clue. Tara and Wil arrive first, using their finely honed mapping and coordinate system of navigation. They are good at finding way around, except for places they have already been! (the curse of the too much knowledge). They open the clue and the teams are instructed to go to Anchorage, Alaska. Once there, they need to travel to Lake Hood Airport and look for Rust's flying service. At the airport they were to take a plane and tell the pilot to take them to Trapper Creek. When Chris and Alex depart they were more than an hour behind the lead teams. In a scene reminiscent of a Rocky movie, they claim "It's all or nothing right now. It's showtime!" Tara and Wil opt to look for a hotel to book flights, and Paige and Blake head to the airport. At this time of the morning in Maui, the hotel option was probably a better idea. The airport at Kahalui is a very small operation, and flights to Anchorage from Honolulu would be the obvious route. Wil and Tara arrived at the airport with reservations in hand, and now make a fateful decision at the airport, to toss excess maps away to get organized! The camera shows Wil executing the task.
Now it is 5:00 AM and all the teams are in line at the airport to get tickets. Tara and Wil & Paige and Blake are on a slightly earlier flight than Chris and Alex. With airport bunching again in Honolulu, they seemed unconcerned. Now Wil and Tara, discover their housecleaning attempt earlier in the morning has removed from their possession a vital piece of information, their destination in Alaska. Wil and Tara obviously upset by the turn of events, are scrambling to find a way to weasel the information out of the other contestants. A very funny progression of events, that underlines the feelings of the other teams for Wil. Wil is clueless, and he doesn't get that this is a race! They have used up all the good will allowed under the circumstances, and with a Million Dollars at stake, they are turned down by both teams. They have no other option now, but to go for it. All the teams board a flight for Honolulu, San Francisco and Seattle. Landing in San Francisco enroute, Wil and Tara hit the airport bookstore and purchase an Alaska guidebook and on a hunch Tara called a familiar flying service name in the book. Luckily, they were waiting for the 3 teams to arrive. Resourceful team, now can they pull off the rest of the race? A jubilant Wil, still clueless, asks for a hug from his not so willing partner.
Now in Seattle Paige and Blake have fallen behind, being on a slightly later flight than the leading teams. 9:35 PM Anchorage time, the lead teams arrive and head to Rust's Flying service. Tara and Wil, still clueless, say the only thing they can in this situation, "Follow that plane", as they pursue Chris and Alex's flight. Lucky for the Bickerson's their pilot was able to follow the plane and land minutes after Chris and Alex, and follow the route markers sending them to the envelope that instructed them to stay overnight in an igloo. In the morning all the teams would depart together, since this was a good example of igloo bunching.
Promptly at 8:46 AM the teams leave with snowshoes strapped on for the next route marker. They are instructed to drive large Snow Cats across a frozen lakebed to the next route marker. Chris and Alex grab the right machine with the most horsepower, and take the lead. The clue they open takes the teams to a hardware store to pick up items for the next challenge. Along with the challenge they drive themselves, opening another mapping crisis. However this time Chris and Alex manage to stay on track and don't get lost. Now, here is where the good luck fairy has chosen the winners, if you want our spin on this thing! They reach the hardware store first. They are followed by Paige and Blake and finally Tara and Wil.
From the Hardware store the next clue sends the teams to Hurricane Gulch. Once there they encounter a roadblock. There are 3 ice globes with the clue frozen inside. The tools from the hardware store enable them to remove the clue....just which tools to use first. Well, Chris used to the harsh winters in the Northeast volunteers for the task. He cracks the thing open with a few well placed smacks and grabs the clue. The clue instructs the teams to head to the City of San Francisco via the Oakland airport, and find the obscure landmark number 97, which is the Atkinson-Esher house, on of the oldest buildings in the city.
This is the point where we say, look at the map carefully. The boys, now in the lead, decide Fairbanks is closer, so they think they might save time by going there instead of back to Anchorage. It usually makes sense to go the opposite direction the clue calls for! It also makes perfect sense to go to a local airport instead of the largest airport with the most flights. NOT! The good luck fairy is working overtime now! Meanwhile Tara and Wil have beaten, burned, hacked, drilled, screamed, and that's on their way to Hurricane gulch. Once there, Wil tackles the challenge of opening the globe of ice. After an incredible display of stupidity, Tara whispers the truth, use the chisel! On their way again Wil acknowledges the kiss of death, in The Amazing Race. The "I know that city, I have lived there before", we have seen it once before with this same team. And Team Guido, lived by the sword and died by the sword of that sentence! We'll see how that turns out in a few minutes!
Now two of the teams are at the Anchorage airport, and are speculating on the fate of Chris and Alex. When they appear in line behind the lead teams and purchase tickets to the same destinations as the other two teams. Fate dealt them a lucky card to arrive from Fairbanks, before the departing flights for the lower 48. Tara, of course, ecstatic to see her boy in the pack, threw him a big wet one...Wil steamed in the background,"focus on the race, & not hanging out with the competition", still clueless? Wil, we think she is the competition now! The teams are now getting ready for the down slope of the this final leg. At this point again Wil is secure again in the knowledge of the City and reiterates his promise to prevail in HIS City. We don't like the sound of this at all!
As the teams arrive in Oakland things immediately go bad for Wil and Tara. They approach a waiting Taxi, and are told to go to the Taxi line. Meanwhile The Two leading teams are on their way across the bridge minutes ahead of the still stranded vituperative duo. (AKA the Bickerson's) All the teams now on the hunt for the landmark 97, Chris and Alex arrive first, in a magical move that still doesn't make videological sense. Paige and Blake arrive next after a time wasting effort to make sure the Cable Car museum wasn't what they were looking for? That put them neck and neck with our happy couple. They retrieved the clue which Alex and Chris had already retrieved. It instructed them to abandon the cab and proceed on foot to the Municipal Pier. Of course the embarcadero has about 50 piers, and that was the rub for Paige and Blake, having to ask directions and read a guidebook at the same time. Wil of course knew exactly where to go, but was now delayed by the misconceived cab maneuver at the Oakland Airport. They still manage to catch up in this now heart stopping race for the finish. They reached the pier first and opened the clue which now implored them to go to the East Fort Baker and follow the flags to the finish line. Now cut to the scene in the cab, Tara and Wil finally flag one down and the intensity of the scene with Tara squirting her asthma medicine just >makes us squirm with what will lie ahead! Alex and Chris in the interim, grabbed the clue and find out where it is, although their cab driver is not familiar with the location. So they decide in the end to follow directly behind the leaders, Tara and Wil. Tara and Wil use their only resource at this moment, screaming at the cab driver. Tara & Wil need the time ahead of the Boys, to allow for a foot race which it now seems it will be. Now Wil concocts a scheme to mislead the Beantown Boys. He directs the cab driver to make a wrong turn, hoping to mislead the gents to run from the cab in the wrong location. Wil, just play your own game, don't lose it now! Clueless, once again, he continues the cat and mouse game, but in this case the mouse has the upper hand. Wil and Tara lose them for a second but they return in their sights on the Golden Gate Bridge. As we leave this ever-maddening scene, we cut to the obvious love fest going on between bro and sis. This edited in so we feel the mood later in the episode, as the bro and sis approach the finish line. We feel passionate about the two as they resign themselves for fate's fickle finger...at least Blake! (OK, Paige is gorgeous too).
Now the first cab enters the compound which is East Fort Baker, near the Sausalito side of the Golden Gate Bridge. Tara and Wil alight from the cab and scramble along the flags to finf the check in mat....and victory. Just as they near the final hill, we see Alex and Chris in the distance now on the trail and closing fast. Tara outlined the scenario earlier in the cab as she inhaled a bug gulp on the asthma medicine. We have to have a least 200 yards on them, or we can't beat them. " Wil, I can't do it" just as her newly minted boyfriend sprinted past her. Now they pair is closing in on Wil himself and the body language of Wil's stride shows how he knows what's happening to him. Now closing in on the platform, Chris and Alex, the first team to arrive in unison, are pronounced by Phil, the winners of The Amazing Race.
The jubilant Chris and Alex hug each other and fall to the ground with their excitement. Next Alex graciously thanks the other competitors and Chris picks up Phil, who, for once looks at a loss for words! A few moments later Tara and Wil step on the mat and realize it is all over, and the race has ended also! He rightly acknowledges that they can no longer be together and that they are both very different people. Now at the end of the race, he found the clue, it was a very Hollywood ending. A little too neatly tied up. We longed for an awkward moment, but it doesn't happen...sigh! Paige and Blake sprint to the finish like the Olympians they are, explaining "they weren't disappointed at all" there's the moment we hoped for. Come on! "we got to do everything the winners did" except go the bank with $500,000. OK, good sports we can give them credit for that! The other teams, expelled unceremoniously earlier in the Race now line the stage and congratulate the now beaming winners. As the Golden Gate frames the whole scene, the orchestra fades out on our now happy ending!
Now possums, we have come to the end of another season, just on the announcement of CBS 's renewal of The Amazing Race for the fall. The Amazing Race will appear at the same time and same station. We will look forward to seeing you and especially the new victims...Teams at that time.
You can keep up with the Guido's antics, over summer hiatus (that's TV lingo for vacation) by visiting our website: www.teamguido.com
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