I have a certain feeling about the current crop of reality shows. Eventually, they will all go the way of the quiz show and the dodo bird. But until then we are in for a nasty ride.
Let’s put it this way. The excitement has dissipated to the degree where we are no longer interested in traveling around the world cheering our favorite team, hissing and booing at the villains and enjoying the National Geographic aspect of reality television. Instead, we sit back in our recliners and watch men and women being rejected, tears falling and fortunes won or lost. Nothing is based on merit, it’s all about so-called sentiment, mostly fake.
Does anyone remember “Lost?” This was a show so way ahead of its time that its demise lay in its very title. Let’s just say that it was the granddaddy of “The Amazing Race” which is and continues to be my favorite show of all time. It existed of teams that were dropped off in the middle of nowhere – in Mongolia of all places – and had to find their way around, first by trying to find out where they were and then using their wits to get back to the United States. The trouble was, that nobody was quite prepared for this bizarre adventure series, neither the contestants nor the viewers. Speaking for myself, I found it highly entertaining but only because I was willing to stick with it.
Then along came “The Mole.” I’m not talking about that lame Celebrity Mole where C-List celebs were ensconced in luxurious surroundings and asked to perform something that could be classified as diluted Truth or Dare challenges. Here’s what I’m talking about: The Mole with Cojones. The participants had to play night combat games, sabotage each other, wear outlandish costumes while freezing to death in a Swiss railway station trying to get to the next location. There were bike rides with greased garden elves that had to be carried to safety, Volkswagens that had to be disassembled and reassembled, clues that almost caused you to drown in a pool, or have a heart attack finding a particular museum. There were fabulous races through a gorgeous old walled Italian town by the name of Lucca. Nights spent in cages with serpents crawling around, or in rooms where Don Ho’s “Tiny Bubbles” was designed to drive the players mad.
“The Amazing Race” is the show that captured my heart once and for all. It is the gold standard, the pinnacle. It just doesn’t get any better. Interesting and unforgettable teams – the Frat Boys, the Guidos, Ian and Teri, Emily and Mom, the Grandparents and even Flo and Zach. They were all entertaining. They had to live by their wits, traverse the globe and make it back to the U.S. while running through rat infested temples, masked balls in Venice, art galleries, crowded market places all the while trying to get the last tickets to the next destination. Simply put, this is a brilliant show which must be very complicated to produce. Thanks to an Emmy, the show will be back, but I have a feeling that it will only last for one more season.
I believe that “Survivor's” days are numbered. This last series has lost its sheen. There is nasty squabbling, allegations of sexual abuse and degradation between contestants who have played before and are displaying delusions of grandeur that even Michael Eisner couldn’t match before his downfall. Mark Burnett also recognizes that this show can’t last forever and has gone off in several new directions. His first attempt was “Boarding House: North Shore” which was a view into the competitive world of surfing, but didn’t do much for anyone else. Now “The Apprentice” has come along and is a huge success. It's basically 'Urban Survivor.' There are some nasty people on that show and that always helps. The ratings have skyrocketed despite or because of Donald Trump. Personally, I think he's doing a great job balancing stern demeanor with a flicker of humor now and then and a sprinkling of Business 101 platitudes thrown into the mix.
Last season’s “The Restaurant” also did surprisingly well and is up for another turn. The fact that the service was lousy and the food was cold didn’t matter, it was a different type of unscripted show. Rocco even had his restaurant taken away because he couldn’t get it out of the red and into the pink. Case in point should be “The Next Joe Millionaire.” Sometimes, it pays to cut and run, or as Kyan of the Fab Five would say, “spray, delay and walk away.”
Now we have arrived at the reality/dating shows. This is the tsunami that has hit our shores. First there was “Temptation Island” which combined an exotic locale and feuding couples that were ready to be seduced by a horde of men and women. The unique “Love Cruise” introduced us to crazy Toni of the popping eyeballs who made her macho reappearance on “Paradise Hotel.” “Bachelorettes in Alaska” combined all sorts of elements of dating, hooking up and spectacular scenery of glacial splendor. But it sank faster than the Titanic because in this case the audience was the iceberg. Then we had “The Bachelor” with Alex, Aaron, Andrew and Bob which was followed by “The Bachelorette.”
What remains? Cheap to produce and formulaic reality/dating shows which are becoming more pathetic with each added “shocking twist.” “For Love or Money” and “Joe Millionaire” introduced us to outright lies and betrayals of contestants. In Joe Millionaire, Evan Mariott, posed as a millionaire and it was obvious from the start that despite the fact that he was a huge dolt the women would “fall for him” because the guy had gelt. “For Love or Money” featured Evan’s clone, the tongue-tied Rob Santos and worked pretty much along the same lines. At this point, I have to give FOX credit, they have tried more unique concepts than any other network, and even though a lot of them were stink bombs, every once in a while they have come up with a winner like the amusing but nasty “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé.”
Bingo! The latest winning formula took hold. All you had to have was one house, 20 or more people who made the cut and one willing accomplice. As a result we had twists and turns up the kazoo. There was the disturbing “Mr. Personality.” Imagine kissing a man who’d been wearing a latex mask all day. Then there was “Married by America” – the less said about that the better and then things really spiraled out of control. We were fed “The Joe Schmo Show” (and that one was a winner), “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé” “Average Joe 1 & 2” and “The Littlest Groom.”
Where the hell is this going and when are they going to stop?
The last show that I watched was called “Playing It Straight” and it involved gay and straight men trying to dupe a “poor unsuspecting girl” into falling in love with them. Yeah, and she’s Little Red Riding Hood, right? If she selects a gay guy and he succeeds in fooling her and making her believe that he’s straight he will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS and she will get NOTHING. Is that fair? Why am I even asking? Nothing is fair anymore in this so called reality TV genre. It’s all about the “twist” or what comics call “the shtick.” Only this is getting ugly. I mean that in the sense that we’re all getting fooled. I don’t believe for a minute that naiveté still exists to the degree that the mail order bride doesn’t know whether she’s getting the abusive fur trader or the benign owner of the dry goods store.
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