Ok, so now the creepy insect, err ... Ant, is longer here, we are going to enjoy life – right? Let's enjoy the peace and calm and serenity, “...zzzzzzz.” Hang on! Why all of a sudden is everyone so boring and quiet? After all, when Gary returned from his victory over the Godfather, most everyone was happy – except of course, Ant’s now lonely conspirator-in-arms Tammy. Maybe it’s the ghostly manifestations of Ant appearing on all manner of inanimate objects. Really scary – his face that is! Everyone seems to agree the tension has lifted (so they hope) and they don't have to worry about cunningly wicked, influence peddling anymore – as a snigger echoes from the now empty bed of where Ant once lay.
What did you say? The 'big personalities' have all left? Todd, Bonnie, and yes, even Ant. Is there no one who can bring some excitement into the house? Seeing this, the producers produce their most inventive ploy to bring some character back into the house. Is it a cool celebrity? No! Is it Hugh Hefner (this is called the porn castle, right?) and his ego-boosting harem he commonly calls his 'girlfriends'? No! Perhaps it is the Yoga (from the other week) girl's mom – looking to sue Ant for all the second-hand smoke the poor girl had to inhale during her attempted Hindu Karma? (Sorry lady, he’s gone.) No! It's a rusty dog. Oops sorry, that’s his name, Rusty. Yes, a dog! Oh what fun! I know, let's feed the poor mutt as much junk food as possible; then we can get a wonderful camera-shot of Kathleen lying on the floor caressing the bloated pooch. Viewers will believe the dog has a loving attachment for Kathleen. Sorry folks, he only has an attachment for resting his stomach on the floor at this point! Zoom to weightlifting with Alonzo and Tammy. You need to strengthen those arm muscles. Telling jokes requires strong biceps – to carry the microphone across the stage of course!
So now we have had all the excitement of ... feeding the dog, we can get down to serious business. It's time for Mystical-Meg the fortune teller, trapped in a glass cube and looking decidedly plastic (was she on The Swan?) to perform her feat of choosing (yeah right) this weeks card. We all know there is some little guy crouched inside the booth, gleefully pushing the card through a slot. (Hey, show business is show business.) What's this? The toughest challenge so far?
Off on a bus ride to the 'Hood'. As the clan figure they have to be hilarious while selling “crack”, Mr. Mohr does his thespian best to act concerned and deadly serious. Oh no! Kids! As they run wildly into the room, “They were cute” Corey says, trying to smile convincingly. Here is the plan, let’s dress up and invent some silly names. Clowning is easy … Uh oh, as we soon find out, club comedians and 8yr-olds don’t mix. “Skunk, skunk, skunk.” Shout for me, pleads Skunk-ified John Heffron. The kids get confused, and shout stunk, stunk, stunk. Oh, that was me! The kids comply.
Comic after comic, just, well, stunk! Gary puts on his best “drag queen” voice, and shows why he didn’t enter “Next Action Star” as he attempts an awkward pratt-fall. Jay London is the funniest. Not good, just amusingly terrible, in his Freddy the Firefighter with wings outfit. Using a high-pitched voice, and introducing himself as 'Freddy the Flame” he tries to be funny – as funny as a prehistoric ex-boxer can be with innocent-faced children. The kids are however, cruelly honest. Boo’s all around! Tammy confused the heck out of them, and me, so they resort to “Skunk, skunk, skunk…” Their disillusioned faces and thumbs-down were enough to scare the toughest comic. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I think they are great – I grew up with them.
Kathleen plays it safe. She dresses as a Leprechaun (that’s clever, become one of them) and crouches at their level to stare them down. They are terrified at first. But ultimately most of them choose Kathleen as the funniest after a fun round of jumping over a stick or something. I’ve got to be honest people; this kids-challenge portion of tonight’s show was the most entertaining part of the whole hour. Now I’m scared. What will next week bring? Maybe a return of … oops! Nearly let the cat out of the bag.
Dinner for three and a free pass to next week is the lucky prize for leprechaun Kathleen. “I’ll take Corey…” Well, come on! She has to, after he took her to where ever it was he took her a few weeks ago. “I’ll also take Gary ….” This was because she voted against him last week. I can tell she is now worried. Gary proved himself in last week’s head-to-head. Make friends Kathleen, make friends.
Expensive entrées for the lady and two guys; desert is some belching and manners befitting Rusty the dog. Grilled cheese cooked over a burning trash can (for that joke, read last week’s review.) for the house-bound trio. Exit to the patio. Tammy is possessed by Ant’s spirit. He’s commanding her to persuade gentle John H. to vote for Jay. Ok, now I do believe in evil spirits! Or was Ant right? Is Tammy the Godmother? Eekkk … she does have a Sicilian accent when she wants to sound tough. She confirms my suspicions when she talks about people getting between her and what she needs for “the family”, or was that her family? I’m not sure, I’m nervous now, in case I receive a visit.
The day of , “I’m funnier than…” Tammy is desperate. Let’s tactically tell the men they are wimps. Swear and cuss. Use the Marlon (god bless his soul) stare! Convince them to vote the way she (or Ant's spirit?) wants the voting to go. No luck. The guys feel strong – three against one. They want to go with their own individual choices. How inconsiderate! Tammy finally finds a confidante in Kathleen. Good girl Kathleen; make friends with everyone …
It is, it is … Jay and Gary to go head-to-head. Poor Gary! Or is that poor Jay? After all, Gary has already ran the gauntlet once and survived. Unperturbed Gary has to pack again – Samsonite should use him in their luggage commercial. The guys get ready for battle. Jay looks for a sign from the comedic Gods. Gary looks for a sign from the steaming clothes iron.
The tournament begins. Why doesn’t Jay Mohr share a few of his pre-battle jokes with the contestants; so they have a better chance? Or are they sharing theirs with him? Jay London goes with all the one-liners and sympathy jokes. Oh that is funny Jay, moving the microphone a few inches across the stage. “I’m sorry, you’ll never see me again,” was probably not the best thing to keep telling the audience. Haven’t you heard about the power of suggestion Jay? Gary goes with some old jokes and a few new jokes. The audience has obviously been joke-celibate for the last five years, as they laugh loquaciously at every line.
The winner? Gary Gulman again. He is becoming unbeatable AND gaining the valuable experience of head-to-heads. Watch out you remaining scaredy-cats. Gary is tearful that Jay is history. I must admit, I liked Jay too. But if you don’t deliver the goods, as he did not tonight, then that is that.
Last Comic Standing, is sometimes funny and interesting, with the mix of humor, tension and personal interactions. Not so tonight. This week was sadly plain boring, apart from the “kids section” that is. I laughed more this week at the comedians, than because of them. The alliance theme has run its course. So what now? Tammy does not really make a good bad-guy (girl). Why don’t we mix things up a little! Let’s bring all the comedians who were booted-off the show, back. Yes folks, next week, the return of the magnificent four. Returning to do what exactly, we are not sure. We do know they will be screaming madly with evil fervor (as seen in the preview). I’m really excited to find out. I really am. Ok, I’m not. But next week should give us a promised twist – I hope so after this week’s drab installment!
Email webmaster
Write An Article!
![ETV Store](<IMG SRC="images/store.gif" WIDTH="129" HEIGHT="17" BORDER="0" ALT="ETV Store">){kind=link}