Where is reality TV going in Australia in 2004? I hope that this will let you know the majority of the shows that we will be having (or might be having) over the next year. I'll let you know which ones are confirmed, unconfirmed and complete and utter conjecture :) The sources for this information are TV ads for new shows, the Australian network webpages, newspapers, TV Week (a wealth of knowledge) and a healthy dose of information from wherever I could glean it.
(Produced In: AU=Australia, US=United States of America, EN=England)
OUT OF THE BOX
(BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE SEEN BOTH HERE AND OVERSEAS)
THE HOTHOUSE
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: 2nd February 2004 :: Confirmed)
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Ohhh this looks good! Big Brother for the over 30s :) Fourteen couples work together to build a dream home worth $2 million, with one couple being voted out each week. In the end, though, the final decision of who wins the house is up to the public. So, be nice to everyone's face but nasty on the sidelines might get you through to the end, but it won't endear you to the public - who will see all in this suggested five-nights-a-week format.
There are construction deadlines to reach and a host of qualified, experienced support workers, but essentially they will actually doing most of the grunt job themselves. The most interesting thing is that every single couple must agree on each and every decision that needs to be made - getting 28 people to agree on anything could be excruciating to say the least!
Not to mention that we live rather close to Bribie Island and may actually be able to get over there to sneak a peek at all the action :)
I like it that the participants get to do all the conniving and voting out until the last week - we know that this show at least isn't going to be yet another drain on our telephone lines as we are ringing up voting for everyone! But at the end, at the moment that it's most important, the couple that has been the nicest and least manipulative throughout the process will be more likely to hold the vote of the nation and therefore win the very, very, very big prize.
I love it!
THE RESORT
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Take 12 young people and put them on a romantic, secluded island in a beautiful new resort with talk of three months of love under the sun. Carefully place the hunky singer Jon Stevens in as host. Then throw 120 18 to 35 year-olds at them and tell them to 'make it work'. See said 12 young people head towards meltdown! The Resort is touted as the ultimate in a 'docu-soap' with viewers watching one week, fly out to be on the Island the next then come back home to watch themselves on their TV screens the following week!
Will one hour a week be enough? Surely they can't package 7 days of angst - not only with the staff but with the goings-on of the holidaying hoardes - into one neat hour? As for their pronunciation of people taking part, well it might actually come back to bite them on the bum - if the 12 Resort Organisers are doing a really terrible job they may find that they don't have any paying customers at all!
This will be one of those shows that I watch knowing I could never have taken part - meanwhile I still dream of my chance at Idol! I'm glad it's not my money backing this project!
THE JOE SCHMO SHOW
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Meet Matt Kennedy Gould. Normal guy that wants to take part in a funky new reality television show called 'Lap of Luxury'. Shame that the producers forgot to tell him that he was the only one! Every reality show stereotype is here including 'The Grizzled Veteran' and 'The Gay Guy' - it's just poor old Matt that doesn't realise what is going on.
We've heard a lot about this because it aired in the USA months ago and we are only getting it first up in 2004. It certainly sounds interesting, and it's blow-away success has to stand for something! I'm not sure I understand the entire concept here (even after reading as many descriptions that I could without opening the floodgates of spoilers upon me) but I have to say that I'm in there for this one. I just have to take some time to really understand this one!
I must say though, how refreshing (::cough::stutter::spit::) to see a show where all isn't how it seems :) Okay, seriously now, it does sound like a great show. But surely this, along with shows like Joe Millionaire, can only work the first time? How many people are there out there to dupe into believing that they are actually there to compete for a prize? I guess the fact that Joe Millionaire is in it's second season following a successful run in Europe, it's not so surprising that The Joe Schmoe show will do well here in Australia.
As per usual, I will be watching!
SIMPLE LIFE
(US :: Seven Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Oh yes! Yes, yes *yes* *YES*! Please let me see Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie “in a position you’ve never seen them in before” (slick marketing by the Seven Network or a stupid comment to get all the teenage boys into watching?). Put these two rich valley girls on a lonely farm in the boondocks of Arkansas, take away their credit cards and their mobile phones, put them in denim overalls (granted, covering only a whisper of a bikini), give them a shovel and a pile of cow manure and sit back preparing to laugh! Can these two girls really last for the whole month with nothing more than the animals to talk to, the birds to listen to and no one to flirt with. I sure hope they do!
The big thing is, was there a point to all of this? Paris and Nicole go away for a stay in a country farm for a month and we get to watch the, by all accounts, hilarious results. But where is the reason for it? Did the girls get paid? Was there any kind of benefit for them other than getting their faces on a TV screen? Suggestions about this are almost non-existent (well, this isn’t without looking at any overseas websites about The Simple Life for fear of getting royally spoilt). I suppose we just have to wait for it to start just next month.
So, it’s another success story from the USA who loved seeing these girls getting into so much trouble … and errrr … other things. Then there’s our recent connection to Paris via AI top-tenner Rob “Millsy” Mills, which should make this even more comical. I definitely won’t want to miss out on this on.
MY RESTAURANT RULES
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Where else could five couples get the chance to run a brand new restaurant? I’m not talking about just walking into a set-up business and taking over, this is about building or renovating a restaurant from scratch, staffing it and then opening it to the public who will be the judges on whether you get to keep the place forever! My Restaurant Rules does just that and with a restaurants opening in just 13 weeks they have a lot to do to make this work! It is going to be happening in five capital cities, so almost everyone will get to sample the spoils of their labours!
This is a fantastic show for everyone concerned. You are giving a once-in-a-lifetime chance to these people to get something that gives them something for the rest of their lives. The Network is happy about it because they’ll get to run/sell four of the restaurants at the end of this and make themselves a load of money. And the fans will love it because they get to eat there and pass judgment on the success of the eatery.
The success of this show is really up to the people – if no one comes to eat there then you’ll not only make no money, you’ll also get very little airtime if there’s nothing for them to show the viewers! It’s going to be funny watching some of these guys fall flat on their faces (there is a definite “cocky” air about some of them – “prides goes before a fall” and all that. I’ll be watching, but this is probably my least favourite of the true reality shows (although it has been categorized as lifestyle by some people). It’s going to take a real miracle to keep me interested all the way through to the conclusion.
PARADISE HOTEL
(AU :: Nine Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
You have the most exclusive resort ever created and you put eleven people on it - half boys, half girls (well, almost). At the end of a week you send home the one person who hasn't paired up with anyone. Brutal much? The twist here is that one viewer competing in a studio competition that allows those left on the Island to choose a replacement and then the whole scenario is repeated! Also with all of this to deal with (heck, you have to find a relationship that is going to last long enough for you to stay at the hotel until the end!) there are continuous surprises that don't always make the contestant's happy. Ready for drama, teamwork, betrayal, scheming and drag-down-in-the-dirt-nastiness? Then you'll be watching Paradise Hotel!
They didn't consider one very possible connotation - what about threesomes? Or gay couplings? These things could potentially destroy the fine balance of a show like this. What if it gets down to the end of the week and they don't have a partner? What will they do to secure one in time? This could lead to a lot of romance, a little bit of sex and a heaping load of tears.
Don't get too excited kiddies - this is another show from the USA and Paradise Hotel, the competitions and the viewers sent to join them are long gone. I know it's sad but I predict that if this rates well it will be picked up next year by Nine (just like every other reality show - and I'm not complaining!). Keep your eyes out for their tiny little ads in the auditions sections of national newspapers and the network web pages - that's how the details of most of the audition shows are announced. In the meantime, sharpen up your claws and remain single! Of course, if it doesn't rate well then you'll be watching Paradise Hotel at 2 am - if at all.
I'm looking forward to this one - if only to see how it works!
EXTREME MAKEOVER
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Showing Now :: Confirmed)
How on earth do you convince two shy, ugly (in their minds not mine!) people to go on international television and leave their families and friends for at least six weeks while they have thousands, no, tens of thousands of dollars of plastic surgery done on them just to make them beautiful? Well getting it done for free is a big incentive, I’m sure. But aren’t these “doctors” and “dentists” just pandering to the myth that you cannot succeed in this world unless you have a perfect body, perfect nose, perfect hair, perfect boobs and perfect teeth. They don’t spend the whole time just lazing around recovering from the surgery either – the minute they can handle it they are sent to a gym with a personal trainer to get them into tip top shape to face everyone once they get home.
We need many more shows that welcome the differences in the world and show that you can get love just for being you – not for having your stretch marks erased or your teeth bleached. Average Joe has started on this road and I truly hope that it continues but in reality (no pun intended) I know that no one wants to watch ordinary people – they want to see voluptuous girls and fully buffed guys and gorgeousness for both which is not something that can be maintained 24/7 no matter how perfect you can be at times. You have to remember that their “reveal” (the time when the newly polished people are brought to a special meeting just for her/him) they are as close to perfection as they are ever going to get. Once they get back into daily life they’ll find that maintaining that look is much more difficult than you might think. Sure, the basics are there and that has to boost your ego and make you feel better, but if you put all your store in your looks there is still going to come a time when perfection is lost and you are considering doing it all over again.
I’m talking here like I don’t like the show. I actually really do like it – particularly when they work their magic on someone who has a real genetic problem or something that happened as a result of an accident. People who are just doing it because there was nothing better to do that month just come across as shallow.
True reality diehards will enjoy this series as long as they aren’t hurling at the site of the nose bandages coming off or the drilling of the surface of the tooth off to allow for full crowns. It’s certainly worth watching if for no other reason that you can say “I’d never have that done!” …
AVERAGE JOE
(US :: Seven Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Oh no, not another one? Look at that preppie cheerleader, Melana,. all taut and tanned, running along the beach, saddened only by the lack of a man in her life. Her application assures us that she isn't vying for someone with looks, She wants someone with personality, someone who really loves her. He doesn't have to be rich or gorgeous (or rich and gorgeous), he just has to be an 'Average Joe'.
But does she? We'll soon find out! Ms Preppie is presented with 16 guys that fit her 'Average Joe' profile. You can't get much more average than this lot! Dennis, the 36-year-old virgin? No, how about Craig, who admits to using a 'male enhancement product'? Or perhaps Marc, the nerdy, balding software manager? Surely one of them would fit her exacting requests!
This is going to be a scream - and not because I already heard the hearty laughter from the USA where this screened last year. Prepare to see Melana 'Preppie' Scantlin's jaw drop from the first moment she sights the first bachelor. Will she go through with it? Does she truly suffer through fantasy dates with these guys? And even if she does, is there any romance at the end of it, or just a heavy sigh of relief that the whole horrible business is finally over? Once again, I have avoided the incredible amount of possibly disastrous spoilers around for this show and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it. I really, really want to see her pick one of these guys. It would be great to have someone genuine on these shows that was able to treat their fellow human beings with respect for more than just their good looks. Oh wait! That's right! This is television dating where the beautiful are rewarded and the ordinary are kicked out with a firm 'no return' sticker on their arse. Bwahahahahahaha ...
AMERICAN IDOL 3
(US :: Ten Network :: Release: Already Showing :: Confirmed)
While we are waiting like the patient bridesmaids at a wedding for Australian Idol to come to fruition in the last half of the year, we will be treated to American Idol 3 with only days separating it’s airing in the US and us seeing it. We certainly hope that Ten treats us better than Nine has with their slack attitude towards the Survivor series and even Seven with their only marginally better handling of Amazing Race. We want to see our overseas reality shows promptly (avoiding spoilers is truly a pain) and during prime time. (All we can hope is that the executives of each television station is reading this right now!)
I think a large part of the enjoyment of a lot of these shows is their ability to involve the viewers, so will American Idol hold our attention as much as our local version, considering that we cannot vote for anyone? Will as many people have watched Australian Idol if we had to live by the decisions of DIcko and Holden? (As an aside, after his appalling destructive criticisms during World Idol, I think that Simon Cowelly is going to annoy us even more, if that’s possible) So what remains to be seen is whether we can truly enjoy the Idol concept for the showmanship, the contest and the “Starsearch” of the naughties and be happy to let the decisions be out of our hands.
I think we can …
RICH GIRLS
(US :: MTV :: Release: Showing Now :: Confirmed)
Meet Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher. They are just two normal teenage girls, aren’t they? They love boys and shopping and friends and everything else that makes up every teenagers life. The only difference is that they are really, really rich. We aren’t talking Anna-Nicole Smith rich, I’m talking Bill Gates and Donald Trump rich. This show will sure show us what separates us from those who earn seven figure salaries – well what separates us from their parents anyway.
This has one downside – is looking at a rich teenage girl’s life going to be any more interesting than watching any teenage girl’s life? Of course, shows like Dawson’s Creek and Beverly Hills 90210 were mega hits because they were about teenagers, but can just two girls with more money to spend than we know how to write down keep us excited to tune in week after week? I’m not so sure. Shows like Lives of the Rich and Famous succeed because they only let us in for two minutes on each life – they weren’t flaunting themselves or their money over the course of a whole episode, well, in fact, over the course of a whole season!
While curiosity might suck you in (well, it’s already sucked me in), I’m not yet convinced that these girls can take it all the way home. They’ll probably get their maids to do it anyway …
THE 1860s HOUSE
(AU :: ABC TV :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
We all know the drill – get normal people and dress them up in a particular period of yesteryear and see how they fare. We’ve seen it before in The Pioneer Quest (from Canada) and The 1940s House (Britain). Well, we’re doing out own this time and it’s going to be set on a sheep station in 1860. Not only is it the family of wealth who live in the main homestead but also all the farm hands, maids etc that go along with it.
I really love these shows and I’m thoroughly looking forward to this one and not only because The Thorn Birds mini-series was one of my favourites of all time. I like these shows much more when they combine both the rich and the poor – it’s incredible to see that every single time the servants feel like they are hard done by and the masters can’t understand what all the kafuffle is about. I can’t help but laugh at the way that everyone reacts emotionally in this situation – you wonder sometimes why on earth they are taking this whole thing so seriously. Of course, I’m not there playing this game, so feeling empathy for them is sometimes difficult – but always humourous.
This is on my extra special have-to-watch list. It’s a history lesson combined with humour, love, hate, hard times and often just a pinch of sex. All of the very best things that make a great TV show.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Late in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Girls, have you felt left out with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy making over our men while we are having to suffer the scowls of discontent from the girls on What Not to Wear? Here is your redemption! Two gay guys get together to make over a straight woman. Very little is known about this show as it hasn’t even been cast yet but I can see it being a really fun show as long as we haven’t drained the pools of good looking gay guys who have the talent to pull this off with humour and love and not be condescending.
A show that will work well in the dearth of reality shows that appears to be forming in the latter half of the year. I’ll be right there!
COPY CATS
(OVERSEAS SHOWS THAT WE ARE DOING DOWN UNDER)
AUSSIE QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
(US :: Ten Network :: Release: 2nd February 2004 :: Unconfirmed)
We've all seen it - five gorgeous and up-to-the-minute gay guys take one dorky, normal straight guy and drag him, kicking and screaming if necessary, back into the good graces of everyone around him. Of course, once he is all beautified, had his house renovated, wears fine new clothes, knows how to cook for his lady friend or family and just knows how to 'be'. No, it's not a mega-crossover between Extreme Makeover, Changing Rooms, What Not to Wear, Jamie's Kitchen and Dr Phil. This is those infamous five made up completely of Aussies, ready to prepare the straight men of Australia how to be good to themselves and their women - a trick that straight women have been begging their gay friends to do for ever!
No one has to sell this as a show that works. The US version's popular run on our televisions at the end of 2003 brought the 'Fab Five' and all of their 'zhoozhing' onto our lives and into our hearts. But can five Aussie gay guys really get it going on? There hasn't been any confirmation of potential hosts for the Aussie version either - and I have to say that I'm holding my breath firmly until that's released before deciding on whether this can work over here. Please, please *PLEASE* Network Ten, don't just re-employ the gay guys from Big Brother and Waz and Gaz from The Block! We loved Nathan, Johnnie and Jaime in their roles on BB but I'm not sure they can hold a whole show. Certainly their collaboration with the saucy Jo from BB 3 to host a QEFTSG special late last year fell just a little flat. There must be five gorgeous gay guys out there that we've never met who have more charisma, more charm and just a little more creativity than three ex-reality starlets who barely cling to life on their seemingly never ending run of personal appearances. It's time to give it up guys!
Another thing is that they have to not take themselves too seriously. The show from the US works because they can laugh at themselves and be over-camp without being horribly embarrassed. I'm not sure that the guys themselves and the Australian populace is as tolerant as they are overseas. I would love to think that they were, and I'm not saying this can't work, the five guys needs to work within the constraints of a uber-conservative television production environment (and Ten is the least conservative there is, to be honest) while still giving the public the kind of show they are used to.
If everyone does all of these things then Australia's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy just might work. And if it doesn't, I'm fairly sure that Ten have purchased another season of the US version which they will show, at my guess, towards the end of 2004.
JAMIE OLIVER
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: Late in 2004 :: Confirmed)
'And now, from the man whose restaurant really rules!' [A little attempt at humor by the Channel Ten website developers]
Jamie Oliver can sell pasta to Italy and pizza to Americans - let's see him trying to give our kangaroo tail soup a go! I'm looking forward to this - not only because I like Jamie Oliver (which I do) but because I loved his production covering the opening of his Fifteen restaurant in England. Our show is touted to be more of the same with him opening another restaurant in Sydney (hot on the heels of one in New York City). Jamie is the kind of larrikin that Aussies take to easily so I see this being well received with regards to getting young people interested. Please, oh please, let these pimply little 15 year olds that he loves to help so much actually *want* to work in a restaurant!?! I've never seen a group of so many slackers ever until I watched his show earlier last year! It was appalling and I pray that our kiddies are much better behaved here in Australia.
It will be mega-successful as long at Ten's production arm doesn't run out money before signing Jamie on the dotted line! The good side is that Reality television is going to be a huge expense for Ten (as you will have realised) and considering that well over half their entire local production budget *last year* went on reality television, we can only pray that they haven't over budgeted to the point where we actually miss out ...
Perhaps we are best to remember this when Ten is asking us to phone in and vote for Big Brother and The Resort and Hot House and ...
WHAT NOT TO WEAR
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
We’ve all watched the British version of this show and we really hate to love it. While we all sit back and agree heartily with their criticisms of the poor lady that has been dragged, sometimes kicking and screaming, into their 360 degree mirror room. In reality we are actually cringing for the poor woman concerned and are pleading and praying that our friends and husbands aren’t dobbing us in to be done over.
Over here, the two people aren’t both women. Designer Wayne Cooper and Australian Vogue editor Anthea O’Connor will strip the women of both their clothes and their self esteem. How do you take someone in and offer to dress them better and still end up with her maintaining her cool and her mind in the process? Well the money they receive to shop with has to lessen the sting just a little. You just have to make sure they don’t actually dump your Kylie gold hot pants or your favourite piece of straight legged jeans before they make it into the rubbish bin.
This will be okay but I can’t imagine Wayne Cooper being nearly as bitchy as the two British hosts. Then again, he may be worse …
HOW TO BECOME FAMOUS IN TWO WEEKS OR LESS
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
This concept is taken directly from a book of the same name and tries all out to get people into a position where they can be considered famous in just two weeks. Very little is known about this – it hasn’t been cast and there are no real details of a time when it will be shown, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
Apparently this will make the people concerned into overnight socialites that will have their photos in the pages of all the better magazines. I’m not sure if there is a host that will have it in them to do something like this. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
HOW CLEAN IS YOUR HOUSE?
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Humiliation time yet again. You are dobbed in by your friends/husband (I would be asking for a divorce if my husband did this to me!) and they come over and assess how clean your house is. If this is run on the same format as the British show then each and every house will be made out to be much worse than it actually is. After the hosts have been through it “ugghh”ing and “yuck”ing they bring the scientists in to show you the real health issues with having a dirty home and then the cleaning crews go through it with a fine tooth comb leaving them with a glistening, clean house.
The British one has been described as “grossly addictive” so we can only expect good things from our own show. While I’d like to say that I can watch this and feel sorry for the contestants I really can’t. I will be there laughing and cringing at the sight of the house, all the while cringing and hoping that someone doesn’t nominate me.
Mind you, the show could actually be better if they secretly came back after a month and checked up on whether the house stayed clean …
MY NEW BEST FRIEND
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Could you take your best friend, to a weekend get-together with family and friends and stick by them through thick and thin, no matter what they say or do? What about if this “friend” is actually a skilled actor that is trying to make your and your loved-one’s lives as hellish as possible? Again, another British show that we are trying to make our own. Several contestants will compete with a large cash prize for the one who is the most convincing at standing by their friend.
This one puzzles me a bit. I’m not sure exactly just how watching someone being rude and obnoxious in the worst way is truly good television. I have no trouble with humiliation. I don’t mind a bit of hard work. But hurting people’s feelings is something that I might actually draw the line at. I guess that’s why Temptation Island wasn’t one of my favourite reality shows – I find it really difficult to watch all of those hearts being ripped out and trampled on.
It’s for money, and that’s all most people care about. Offer a prize and you can get almost anyone to do pretty much anything. Oh that’s right … you already know that … you’re reading about reality television …
BEEN THERE DONE THAT
(LOCAL AND OVERSEAS SHOWS THAT REIGNED SUPREME AND ARE COMING BACK)
BIG BROTHER 4
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Well, of course this will go well. It always does. But I think that Big Brother has to think smart this year rather than slick. We're stuck with Gretel, that's a given. And she honestly does a much better job than a lot of people could do. We’ve seen all of the changes of venue (yes, there is building work going on at Big Brother Central at Dreamworld - for those overseas think Disneyworld in Australia) and I’m sure that there will be hidden rooms or covered spas along with many more cameras to give us a view from every single angle in that house. The difference this time is that the producers should think outside the box. We’ve lost Peter Abbott (ex-Executive Producer and voice of BIG Big Brother for the first three Australian seasons) and his calm, melodic tones so the housemates have no “built-in” respect to the voice from behind the walls. They have to do something else that we are totally not expecting in order to bring in fresh fans. With so many other reality shows on FTA this year, Big Brother isn’t going to get their whole fan base back without putting a few new carrots in front of them.
The one thing I would hate most in the 2004 version of Big Brother Australia is for them to copy the one thing that is brought up most often as a possible way for BB to go – the rich ones and the poor ones. Or the caste system. Or the haves and the have-nots. We did a mini version of this last year for a short time with the masters and servants task and I don’t think we need to expand on it any further. It was my least favourite task and there’s no way I would want to see the whole three months run like that would be both boring and repetitive. They need to pull something new out of the dozens of overseas Big Brothers that have gone before them. Or perhaps do something entirely different and *think of something new altogether*! What a brain wave!
Each season up until now has heralded something new. One suggestion that I have heard and would love to see is to have the nominations and voting done differently. With all of the possible combinations of what this could be, the one that strikes me as interesting is for the housemates to nominate as normal but they don’t get told *who* has actually been nominated! Every Sunday night, all of the housemates have to pack up and prepare to leave – because it could be any one of them. It might be all 12, it might be 2 – the housemates will never know and that’s when the fun begins. I don’t want these guys to get a 3 month holiday in there. They are being paid to entertain us, so darn it, they better entertain!
Remember … you heard it here first!!
THE BLOCK 2
(AU :: Nine Network :: Release: Early in 2004 :: Confirmed)
We saw it all last year and contributed to Nine making an absolute fortune by getting four units renovated for very little cash injection (remember, the contestants only get back the amount over the reserve price, except for the first place getter, so in essence Nine gets this produced for almost nothing). It's going to rate the heck out of itself again this year. It works like this - there are four units (apartments) in one block on Sydney's Northern Beaches. They all look basically the same and four couples move in and live and renovate them from basically bare walls right through to a completed, fully furnished house that they have to do with only $70,000 made up in cash and gift vouchers from places such as furniture stores. Each week the couples must present one room completed and that is judged and the winners get a prize - anything from cash to electronics to white goods that they can then use to make even better renovations. At the end of all the renovations a reserve price for each unit is set (the cost of buying the unit plus the original cash/prize package) and whatever each couple gets over and above that amount is theirs. The couple who sells their unit for the highest price gets a bonus of $250.000 prizemoney. Pretty good lurk if you can get in on it!
Last year’s effort of putting together three Kens with three Barbies and a token gay couple (who could run Queer Eye on their own if they had to) was totally successful being borne out by the fact that they seem to have cloned them all for this year. All of this made for more scheming than Melrose Place, more anger than The Sopranos and more nastiness than Dynasty. I do have to say it this though. Where are the Mediterranean’s? Where are the lesbians? Where are the struggling students? Where are the newly marrieds? Where are the pensioners? There is so much more diversity in Australia and yet the producers of The Block have refused to recognise it in any way. I'm not watching The Block to see movie stars nor help someone launch a recording career, I'm watching to see people compete to do the best renovation possible and just what does that have to do with looks anyway? But seeing as we have the same photocopied couples this year, I guess we know what Nine really wants - too bad they aren't listening to us.
But there are things a-happening in early production that threaten to taint the whole show. After only two weeks of filming one of the couples, Danny and Monique, have quit after a blaze of publicity accusing them of having arrest records that involved drugs. Although the Nine Network tried to weather this storm early on with many 'we know all about it' pronunciations abounding, the negativity was too much for them to live with and so the couple decided to quit (or was pushed? How cynical are you?). So that leaves things way up in the air. Had they actually completed any rooms yet? Where will a new team come from? How would this change everything? No one is going to know until the show starts, I'd guess. Another problem involves the mayhem that the building project causes. Think about it - normal street a block from one of the busiest seaside areas in Sydney. Four couples plus the host (the affable ex-Manpower stripper Jamie Drury) plus four production teams plus builders, plasterers, plumbers, electricians, painters, ad infinitum as well as fans who flock to the area every day after the address was revealed by another television station all cramming into a small two lane street. There has been interview after interview from rival television networks with neighbours who are already angry.about the noise, parking, late night renovations etc. Whether The Block chooses to show any of this or just ignore it all and pump up the show? Heh - I have my money on how this will end.
The show will be another complete and utter success, that’s a given. But is Nine, by going completely with the stereotype and not daring to take risks, actually shooting itself in the foot? Nine are publicising it within an inch of it’s life, even encouraging other Current Affairs Shows to run their negative stories. Isn't all publicity good publicity?
AUSTRALIAN IDOL 2
(AU :: Ten Network :: Release: Late in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Well, I loved Idol 1 so there’s no earthly reason why I won’t like Idol 2. I don't have to explain the concept to you - unless you have been living under a rock, you know about Pop/American/Australian/etc Idol. Let’s hope that it isn’t going to be watered down by a first-half-of-the-year bonanza of “real talent” shows – American Idol 3 and Popstars Live will have already drained our ear drums and our wallets of both sanity and cash. I pondered though that if the final 12 as they stood there last year were truly the “cream of the crop”, then won’t we have the exact same 11 people (minus the lovely Guy) with just one new person? This was answered today when I read that anyone who got through to the top 100 isn’t eligible to apply for Idol 2! With the Popstars Live auditions already been and gone and almost everybody in Australia who wanted to try out for Idol last year did so, then where are we going to find any new people? I’m really wondering whether this can actually work a second time. It worked in the USA, let’s hope it works for us considering our much smaller population.
This will be big, we all know that. We are getting a taste with American Idol having just started here in Australia but I’m sure we’ll be ready to watch it all again late in 2004.
THE MOLE 5
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Unconfirmed)
The show is simple – get a group of people who do challenges with a potential prize pool of $250,000 over the course of the season. Money is not only given, but deducted depending on the kind of challenge they are doing. But the fly in the ointment of this show is that one person is “the mole”. A mole is a person who does everything within their power to ruin challenges and even plant information that will stop the group from making money. At the end of each episode, each contestant does a quiz with questions about the mole and the other contestants, including the question “who do you think the mole is?”. The person with the least correct answers to this quiz are sent home and everyone comes back the next week to continue the game. At the end of the series there are three people remaining – the top two contestants from throughout the show and the mole. After a final quiz the winner is revealed and then so is the mole and we get to see just what he/she did to ruin the amount of money that the winner will get.
The format is unique and nothing, except maybe for Fear Factor, comes close to the thrills on this one. Every season sucks you in a little more – you are sure you know who the mole is by the actions of everyone, but it’s rare for anyone to pick a winner – in fact people really don’t care who the winner is going to be – they only care about “Who is the Mole?”. It holds your interest, that’s for sure, and this is one of my all time favourite reality shows.
What a sad day it will be if Seven doesn’t bring back The Mole this year. Last year it was destined for the scrap heap, but a last-minute stay when Grant Bowler was dragged back in to do the hosting again means we got season 4. It was apparent by the number of repeat episodes that we saw (at least twice the first few episodes were repeated while current episodes were showing). Now that could be put down to their lack of advertising for the show returning and Seven was doing the right thing by making sure that all the fans had every chance to see the show. Of course, the cynic in me is very clear - it just wasn’t rating at all and in an attempt to attract more viewers Seven were showing the early part of the series over and over again. Either way I fear that this has sounded the death toll for the show but I will be really happy if they do bring it back.
It’s fate is signed and sealed I think. Perhaps all Aussie The Mole fans should contact the producers and the Seven Network to demand a return this year.
THE BACHELORETTE 2
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
The baton of love-finding is being passed from Trista onto the beautiful Meredith, one of the runners-up from The Bachelor 4. We all cried with Meri when she got the news of her grandmother’s death on the day she was having her first single date with Bob after being chosen as most compatible and then being dumped before they even got to their fantasy dates. She’s beautiful and caring and has a heart and will break many more once she stands there and accepts the hands of 25 nervous, good looking, rich men in the very first episode.
These “match-up” TV shows just keep on going and each one is very different. I wondered at the beginning of Bachelorette 1 whether I could watch Trista kissing a lot of men and not feel somehow like she was a woman and shouldn’t be doing that. Luckily, my sense of good judgment held up and the word “slutty” didn’t cross my lips even once (I could not say the same for the last bachelor Bob who took sleaze to a new level). I think Meri will be a consummate professional and won’t be dragged into doing anything she doesn’t feel comfortable doing. I’m looking forward to seeing that.
These shows have a long life ahead of them. They are part of the elite reality television series that have themselves just a head above the rest. Long life the search for true love.
THE BACHELOR 5
(US :: (Nine Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Unconfirmed)
No details have been released on this and it won’t even air in the USA until after the current run of The Bachelorette finishes, but we can rest assured that there will be another rich, hunky man on the lookout for the love of his life who doesn’t mind having 25 willing woman to choose from. How can it go wrong?
SURVIVOR ALL STARS
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Early 2004 :: Confirmed)
Eighteen previous castaways, including four of the winners, along with those we love and those we love to hate, get together to come up with the supreme being when it comes to Survivor. All of your favourite challenges will be there, all of your horrible food to eat. All the best bits from the last seven seasons rolled into one extravaganza that is Survivor All-Stars. This is the ultimate in Outwit, Outplay, Outlast with the $US2 million carrot at the end to entice them on.
You’ll remember these names I’m sure – Rupert Boneham, Jenna Morasca and Richard Hatch - and the list goes on. This is Survivor at it’s best and we’ll all be watching. This time the setting is Panama and I’m sure that the tribal names, the strange food, the lack of clothes and all of the usual bitchiness will soon remind us that we are fair smack in the middle of the most hotly contested Survivor yet.
I wouldn’t miss a single minute …
SURVIVOR 9
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Late in 2004 :: Sort of Unconfirmed)
The only details around about Survivor 9 are application forms being available from the Survivor 8 website. It’s all a bit of guessing at this stage, but why on earth would Mark Burnett turn off his cash cow now? The only thing to ponder is whether we will get Survivor 9 within a couple of days of it’s airing in the USA, within a couple of weeks or not at all. We are still smarting from the no show that Survivor 4 Marquesas was in Australia. Fans of the show make regular pleas to the Nine Network to show it and they continue to fall on deaf ears.
If Nine has any brains at all in their programming department we’ll get Survivor 9 no matter when, where or how. Please???
POPSTARS LIVE
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: February 2004 :: Confirmed)
Oh puleeeze! This is definitely a groan moment run together with a roll-the-eyes moment with a hearty sprinkling of “give me a break”. Popstars ran quite successfully for two years and then, with yet another format change that added in the home viewers choosing the winner, a third. The three pop “sensations” created (Bardot, Scandal’us and Scott Cain) had smash number one hits then quietly drifted into insignificance. You still see them around when people don’t have enough people to present an award or to show a pretty face, but in the majority we will never see them again. The Idol phenomenon has shown that true stars can be created if the right set of circumstances prevail.
So is it such a shock that Popstars would this year go Live and be as much like Idol as it could without actually getting sued? We have the torturous auditions with singing, dancing and oodles of embarrassment. There are the three judges (John Paul Young, Christine Anu and Tania Doko – thank goodness no horrible Simon Cowell-wannabe), more auditions and then live concert after live concert to find our own latest Popstar. The fact that the auditions that have already been held attracted about a quarter of the number that Australian Idol did last year has to give us some of the amount of talent that they have a chance of finding. Not to mention that those 99 singers of the top 100 that didn’t win AI have every right to apply for Popstars Live. After all, it’s their only chance to be in a national singing competition this year.
All we can hope for is that they forget the old stuff of Popstars (especially that pained look of anticipation that Jackie O used all throughout the voting process in Popstars 3) and don’t steal too much from Australian Idol so they look almost like very real photocopies. I’ll be watching but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!
THE OSBOURNES 3
(US :: MTV :: Release: Sometime 2004 :: Was Confirmed but Unsure after Ozzie’s Accident)
Our favourite family is back for a third season and fans cannot get enough. The series had already started when Ozzie had his terrible motor bike accident in England late last year. If they go ahead with production it might air here in Australia a little later than first anticipated.
Everything will be the same with The Osbourne’s – Sharon will pander to her dogs and cats, all the while bemoaning their “accidents” around the house; Ozzie will once again get angry at the TV remote, complain about his costumes for his tour and secretly buy up whole shop-loads of chocolate bars while Sharon is out of town; Kelly will bemoan her lack of a boyfriend/try to run away from the embarrassment of her mother talking about her boyfriend’s nether regions/be well on the way of fulfilling her mother’s desire for her to marry Puff Daddy; Jack will just be … well … Jack and all of their associated hangers-on will be back to excite us and make us laugh.
Look, I love the Osbournes and I will be watching it, but hasn’t it been done to death? The second season was great but it’s starting to get a little samey. How many dog poo jokes can one television show sustain? Sadly, it’s Ozzie’s accident that might save this third series. I really hate saying that, but truth needs to stand up and be counted here. We’ll be there but I doubt there will be a fourth.
FAKING IT
(EN :: Discovery Channel :: Release: 9th February 2004 :: Confirmed)
This show has been around in one form or another for a couple of years, but now it’s moving to the Discovery Channel and being touted as one of their great shows for the year. It involves a panel of so-called “experts” watching four people do their normal job. Except that only three people are truly trained in what they are doing – one is a fake who has been trained to do that job as if he had been doing it for year. One previous story had a Pastor being touted as a Second-hand Car Dealer. And he pulled it off – convincing all of the panel that he was born a car salesman.
This is one of those shows that you just watch when you want to have a good laugh. The people training to do the various new jobs is hilarious, while the experts inevitably boast how no one can fool them. Some people do well, others stand out in the new jobs like a sore thumb. But that’s all part of the journey.
Be prepared to split your sides with laughter on this one …
NEWLYWEDS 2
(US :: MTV :: Release: Showing Now :: Confirmed)
Awwwww … Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are back for their second season. Jessica is as dopey as always (my quote of the season involves Jessica eating dinner and asking Nick “Is this chicken or fish … I mean I know it’s tuna I just want to know if it’s chicken or fish … the can says it’s the “chicken of the sea” so I didn’t know!”. Give me a break!) and Nick is as understanding as he can manage.
Will Jessica get through another load of laundry? Can she manage anything at all to do with the house without servants to help her out? How many times will Nick roll his eyes and wonder how on earth he got into this mess? You know you love it!
Another fun-filled season with young love winning through all the trials of a marriage that lasts longer than Britney Spear’s!
THE ANNA-NICOLE SHOW
(US :: Arena TV :: Release: Currently Showing :: Confirmed)
There are not any accurate words to describe this woman. She’s loud, she’s brash, she’s in your face and yet nothing I say can come close to truly describing Anna-Nicole Smith. You only have to watch the show titles to know her story – she grew up a poor girl in Texas, got married and had a son then came into fame when she was in Playboy. She married a multi-millionaire who was in his 90s and when he died tried to prove to her husband’s family that he intended to leave her half of his money. Court battles are still ensuing and in the meantime she makes her money from appearances – and this TV show I guess!
Watching Anna-Nicole is like looking at a car accident – you know you shouldn’t be looking but you just can’t move your eyes from their gaze. She is overtly sexual with everyone in the family (from her “confidante” Howard to her “assistant” Kimmie and her son Daniel to her dog Sugarpie) and even does things like redoing a room for a neighbour, who only wanted a work area that didn’t look like an office, into an S&M dungeon, compete with the walls (and ceilings) filled with sex toys. You get to see much more of Anna-Nicole than you’d really like to and it’s sometimes sickening to hear the way people fawn all over her. I guess though, when you are paid to be nice, you can truly be nice.
We wouldn’t want to live like her – no matter what the millions of dollars she might have or get – yet it’s just too fascinating and you have to watch. You try to turn off …
THE ANNA-NICOLE SHOW
(US :: Arena TV :: Release: Currently Showing :: Confirmed)
There are not any accurate words to describe this woman. She’s loud, she’s brash, she’s in your face and yet nothing I say can come close to truly describing Anna-Nicole Smith. You only have to watch the show titles to know her story – she grew up a poor girl in Texas, got married and had a son then came into fame when she was in Playboy. She married a multi-millionaire who was in his 90s and when he died tried to prove to her husband’s family that he intended to leave her half of his money. Court battles are still ensuing and in the meantime she makes her money from appearances – and this TV show I guess!
Watching Anna-Nicole is like looking at a car accident – you know you shouldn’t be looking but you just can’t move your eyes from their gaze. She is overtly sexual with everyone in the family (from her “confidante” Howard to her “assistant” Kimmie and her son Daniel to her dog Sugarpie) and even does things like redoing a room for a neighbour, who only wanted a work area that didn’t look like an office, into an S&M dungeon, compete with the walls (and ceilings) filled with sex toys. You get to see much more of Anna-Nicole than you’d really like to and it’s sometimes sickening to hear the way people fawn all over her. I guess though, when you are paid to be nice, you can truly be nice.
We wouldn’t want to live like her – no matter what the millions of dollars she might have or get – yet it’s just too fascinating and you have to watch. You try to turn off …
WIFE SWAP
(AU :: Nine Network :: Release: Sometime 2004 :: Confirmed)
(US :: Nine Network :: Release: Currently Showing :: Confirmed)
Just like the British series gives us two families the chance to live with a different Mum for the fortnight. Each Mother leaves a detailed manual of what to do around the house and in her own job (if she works outside the home) and that is followed to the letter in the first week. After that, though, she’s able to take back control and get the families living by her rules.
Be prepared to meet those who are just trying one on by putting everything in the manual to get a free housekeeper for the week. They hubbies will also try to get around the new “wife” and you may even see a little subtle flirting going on. There are tears, temper tantrums, anger, bitchiness and just about every other negative emotion you can imagine shown throughout this series. Will our Aussie husbands and wives react in the same way?
There is only one outcome with this show – the couples come back together appreciating one another more than they could ever imagine. It’s just sad that it takes a reality show to do it for them.
IS THIS REALLY REALITY?
(DOCUREALITY SHOWS – SHOWS THAT HAVE ELEMENTS OF BOTH DOCUMENTARIES AND REALITY SHOWS - THAT ARE BORDERLINE REALITY BUT HAVE MADE IT HERE ANYWAY)
PERFORMING AS
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Take an average looking Aussie and make them up until they look just like someone really famous at which point they are put up on the stage to perform in front of a real, live audience. This has everything, including the famous faces if you really squint and watch it on a 15” TV. And while the look might be okay, they have to *sound* good as well – something that isn’t quite so easily covered up! It’s fun and these people don’t mind getting laughed at – unlike those over at the AI studio.
THE FRONT LINE
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Watch our Custom’s Officers as they check people and goods in and out of Australia. It has to be interesting to see just what people are still trying to sneak onto our aeroplanes or back into our country. You’ll see the drug dogs working their magic and I’m guessing more than one person with a fake passport. Really interesting from a documentary point of view, but I wonder if it won’t all remain in some back lot of your mind and woosh back in next time you decide to go overseas. You have been warned!
OUR BOYS
(AU :: ABC TV :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
Private school children in a boy’s only school just screams “make a reality show about me”. The problem is getting the boys to tell the truth or the minefield involved in being allowed to film them doing all the things young boys are want to do. Now add in that 90% of the boys at Sydney’s Canterbury Boys’ High School come from non-English speaking backgrounds and you’ve certainly got yourself something worth watching. So are teenage boys from all around the world really that different from out home-grown ones? Probably not …
THE REAL YOUNG DOCTORS
(AU :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
The lives of yet another hospital (this time Sydney’s Westmead) that shows you the comings and goings of both the staff and the patients. This sounds so much like RPA that I wonder if Seven isn’t just trying a bit too hard in copying this directly. There is the insinuation of just a little more soap in this but I’d hate that more than I would hate them being just like every other hospital documentary show. I don’t think that the hard working doctors, nurses and allied health professionals need anyone poking into their private lives just for the sake of a television show. And this is where I say that I really don’t care – medical reality is where my heart lies. Bring it on!
RPA
(AU :: Nine :: Release: Late in 2004 :: Unconfirmed)
The first series to follow Doctors and their interactions with patients made by Australian television and still one of the best. It follows people through their treatment at the Royal Prince Alfred hospital in Sydney. We see the initial appointments with their doctors’ right through until it’s resolved, including any surgery they need and even follow up appointments after they leave the hospital.
The difference with this show from other Medical docureality shows (you’ve heard that description here first!) is that you really get invested in the lives of the patients that are shown. Typically they follow about three stories a week with one that lasts the entire season and the two others that go over a couple of weeks.
I like the grittiness of this show – not only the patients are interesting but you see the same doctors appearing again and again and they are all wonderful with those they are caring for. Definitely the very best medical show around and it saddens me that it has such a short run per season each year.
TRAUMA: LIFE IN THE ER
(US :: ABC TV & Discovery Channel :: Release: Currently Showing :: Confirmed)
This is the US series that has been running concurrently on both FTA and on cable’s Discovery channel (it’s an hour long show but the ABC has cut them to half hour shows once a week). It follows the work lives of the doctors and nurses in ERs throughout the USA. It’s very real and very gritty and this isn’t something that you should sit down to watch while you are eating dinner. But for all it’s gore, it’s an excellent representation of things that happen in a trauma situation. Be prepared to feel something for these people and these patients and then they all disappear by the next show when they travel across America to another hospital. This is one of my favourite shows currently and we have several years to catch up on overseas seasons so this will be around for a long time.
CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: FIRE WITHIN
(US :: Seven Network :: Release: Sometime in 2004 :: Confirmed)
This time the lives we are shown are those of new performers preparing to join the elite Cirque Du Soleil performing troupe. It takes eight long months to get even close to the standard necessary for such a world-renowned group. It will be a lot of watching gymnasts and just really bendy people go over their movements again and again and again until they can do them in their sleep. Trouble is, will we be doing them in our sleep as well? After watching a one hour documentary about Cirque Du Soleil and after watching the host trying to do some of the movements it was starting to pale after only 60 minutes. Could this be too repetitive to sustain a whole season?
Point is, who cares? With the number of reality shows on Seven, and across Australia for that matter, they can afford to dump one or two and still leave us with no shortage of things to watch!
(All of this are gleaned from the websites of the shows themselves or the networks they are shown on as well as unofficial websites set up by fans or media promoting the shows. I also had a lot of help from Google and TV Tome and every news article and magazine article on reality television that I could take in. If you believe that any of this is in error, please feel free to contact me through the way that you found this article. Special thanks to TVGuy for contributing so much initially and helping me set off on this journey of discovery. Many thanks to everyone … Vicki “kittecat” Whyte)
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