Elites TV asked Gwen Gioia and Helene Eksterowicz, the stars of The Bachelor 2, about their new dating self-help book, Nobody’s Perfect. We found them to be smart, funny, and insightful. That’s also a good description for their new book.
A little about Helene Eksterowicz. This school psychologist from New Jersey was cast for “The Bachelor 2” almost accidentally! The eventual winner went late to the audition along with her friend after her mother’s prodding. To her surprise, producers asked her to come to L.A. The friend who wanted to audition stayed home.
While at the Bachelor 2 mansion, Helene said she “had a good time.” The women spent their time “lying out at the pool, jumping on the build-in trampoline, working out, and chatting.” There, she met Gwen Gioia. During the surreal experience of meeting, dating, and getting engaged in front of a TV audience, Helene said she relied on her family and friends to keep herself level headed during the experience and later while the tabloids wrote stories about her. She still has the ring Aaron placed on her finger on TV.
Other than that ring, what does she have now that she didn’t have before The Bachelor 2? Helene treasures her friendship with Gwen, the book deal, and the fact that she can get into some exclusive clubs or great seats at restaurants if the hostess or bouncer watched her TV show.
And the gowns? On the show, she wore her own clothes except the dress in the last episode. “We did have someone from wardrobe come over in the beginning and tell us what to wear the first night and then I had someone at the end who decided what dress looked best for the final episode. But yes, I did get to keep that fabulous dress.”
What was she eating at her hometown Starbucks when Aaron broke off the engagement? Helene reports she was drinking a medium coffee and sharing a danish with Aaron.
Currently, both Helene and Gwen are watching Meredith as the Bachelorette. Helene says “The guys seem pretty impressive too. I like the guy from San Diego though and his cute slippers gift. You can tell that he's thoughtful and very attentive. Who wouldn't like that?”
A little about Gwen Gioia, a finalist and audience favorite on The Bachelor 2. Gwen Gioia was contacted by The Bachelor’s production representatives after seeing a TV interview. There was less than a week’s turn around between her finding out about casting and getting on a plane for a California interview.
At the house, she felt it was like being on vacation with a bunch of girls. As far as wardrobe, “The clothes were all our own. We were told we could not wear whites or busy prints and to leave them at home. We were limited to 2 bags to bring and had to be ready for anything.”
Gwen noticed Helene after they moved into the ladies’ house for the show. They were both from Philadelphia and were put together on the first group date. “We also both liked to run and work out in the morning, so we did this together. We talk about everything.” Although she values the book deal and her friendships, Gwen also notes her celebrity status lets her do good work for charities. She said she likes Clay Aiken and watches American Idol.
Elites TV: Did you have to get permission from the production company to write this book or publicize it? Are you still restricted from any activities by your contract?
Helene: Yes, we did run the idea for the book by the production company and we were restricted from advertising it until after our contracts were over, which was November 21st, 2003. We are still bound by our confidentiality agreements and they never expire!!!
Elites TV: You wrote a book on dating men. State your qualifications!
Helene: Gwen and I both have psychology backgrounds and so we are well versed in human behavior and even that of males!! Ha, ha. Plus, we both have different dating experiences to draw upon including both of our experiences dating on national television, Gwen’s marriage and divorce, my two engagements, and our other dating experiences. I think that we have a wide variety of relationships and dating experiences to draw on.
Gwen: I wouldn’t call myself an expert in dating, but I think I can get to know someone on a level where I can determine if they are right or wrong for me fairly quickly. Sometimes people stay with the wrong person for months or years longer than they should, only to discover that they are not going to work out. Knowing yourself well is half the battle. Being able to get past the small talk and such with a man and gain a true understanding of what is inside is the other half.
Currently, I am in the business of matching people with jobs. I must find out what motivates them, how ambitious they are, what goals they have, what skills they possess, etc to do this successfully and match with a companies goals, culture, etc. Not being successful in this industry can cost a company hundreds of thousands of dollars in accounts.
Elites TV: How many times have you really been in love? Do people really have soulmates?
Helene: A few times including my ex-fiancé from NJ (3 year relationship) and my ex-fiancé Bachelor boyfriend Aaron Buerge (6 months). Yes, I do believe in soul mates or someone who completely “gets you.” But I also feel that there can be multiple people that you will meet that you have an intense connection with but then there are issues of values, timing, maturity, etc. that can bring you closer together or drive you apart.
Gwen: I think that when you are with the right person, you feel you can do anything as long as you’re together. The energy, support, and love from each person will bring out the best in each other.
Elites TV: You and Gwen have both dated a “Bachelor.” You compare notes. You don’t have a category in your book called “Guys who were made temporary famous on TV reality shows.”
Helene: Yes, Gwen and I have dated the same guy and we have compared notes so to speak. And we both feel that we are both better off without a semi-famous or famous boyfriend. Dating someone in the public eye certainly complicates the situation and relationships are already complicated enough. I think we are choosing to date someone out of the public eye….our lives are too complicated already!
Elites TV: How much do you tell your girlfriends when you are involved with a guy? How serious must you be (or not) before a guy meets your girlfriends?
Gwen: I am interested in seeing how a man treats my friends and interact with them. I am also interested in hearing their thoughts, as they will be honest. My decisions are not based on others, but it helps provide a better rounded view of who he is.
Elites TV: What are your specific requirements for Mr. Right?
Helene: I am basically looking for someone who treats me well, has a good stable career and family, someone with the same values and morals, and someone who “wows me” even 40 years later.
Gwen: There are certainly qualities I look for, but on top of all these wonderful qualities, there must be the unspoken chemistry. Some of the prominent traits I look for would be one who is intelligent, worldly, honest, shares mutual interests, is athletic, humorous, polite, and is ready for a relationship.
Elites TV: Your “perfect” quiz confused me. Can you explain it?
Helene: The quiz is just supposed to be a fun exercise and not to be taken too seriously. The whole book is humorous and I think the quiz is too. If the guys that you date fall into different categories, that’s ok. As long as they don’t EVER fall into the “Creeps and Rats” categories, you will be fine. If they do, run like hell away from them!!
Elites TV: Do you think there is any correlation between your categories and these men’s occupations? Like a Marine is more likely to be one type—an accountant another?
Helene: I think certain personality types tend to go into occupational fields that compliment them or suit their interests and personality. If I didn’t like kids, I wouldn’t work in a school and if I didn’t like guns (which I don’t) I wouldn’t be a police officer or sharp shooter. Catch my drift?
Gwen: No correlation – you would be very surprised how someone in an occupation such as a doctor or company VP would act in certain situations.
Elites TV: Did you do any field research for the book? If so, what?
Helene: We are in a constant stage of doing field research (aka dating) for this book. We have also drawn from our psychology backgrounds and theories regarding human behavior, psychopathology, and social psychology when thinking of advice to offer in the book.
Gwen: Life itself is my field research.
Elites TV: What was the best part of writing the book? What is your favorite part of the book?
Helene: The best part of writing this book was thinking of all of our crazy stories together and laughing about them. On our drive home from the shore, we thought of tons of stories of our own dating experiences and of our friends and we couldn’t stop laughing. Now, when people ask us the proverbial questions, “Why are you still single?”, all we have to do is hand them this book! Case Closed.
My favorite part of the book is “The Cad” chapter because I think it contains the most outrageous and funny dating stories…such as the guy who urinated on his date’s coat! Now, that was crazy but priceless.
Gwen: The best part of writing the book was the stories themselves. It was fun sharing them, thinking back to my own dates, and hearing those of friends. My favorite parts are the ones that make me laugh the hardest and the one liners you will find throughout the book from Helene and I.
Elites TV: How did the book get started and how did you find a publisher?
Helene: The idea for the book arose from that late night drive home from the Jersey shore at 4am. And we found a publisher in a very strange way. One of our mutual friends was visiting us from Detroit and he happened meet a guy who was into publishing. The rest was history.
Elites TV: Are you tired of dating?
Helene: I am tired of dating in a way. I would really love to find someone and settle down. I am not a good dater. I am better at being a girlfriend/fiancé in a committed relationship. I love that “rush” feeling of being in love and giving your all to someone and acting as a team. I am just looking for my teammate, I guess.
Elites TV: Do you put guys into categories while you are on a date, or afterwards?
Helene: I think it’s after the date and when I talk to my friends, that I start to put my date into a category. Ultimately, they are either in the category of “2nd date possibility” or “let’s just be friends” no date.
Gwen: Afterward – by far. On a date I try and enjoy the other person, have a great time, and be in the moment. It may be a wonderful man who never made the book!
Elites TV: Helene, you are a psychologist. Do you see yourself continuing in this area, maybe becoming the next Dr. Ruth or Vicki Iovine? Will there be more self-help books from you?
Helene: I think my strict Catholic parents might kill me if I became the next Dr. Ruth, sex therapist. But yes, I could see myself writing another self-help book on dating or maybe something entirely different. When I was in college, I always thought that I would be famous from writing a book or journal article about some great psychological theory that I discovered and well, maybe I have in a way….the theory of dating and the male species!
Elites TV: Have you sworn off long distance relationships? Relationships with men whose first name begins with 'A'?
Helene: I haven’t sworn off long distance relationships. Hmmm…guys that start with the scarlet letter “A,” that’s something to think about. Ha, ha.
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