Mad, Bad and Dangerous To Know I can’t say that this is a bad show, nor am I willing to call it a good show. It has its entertaining moments but seems to be adrift in a sea of mediocrity. The reason I’m using it as the subject for my op-ed piece is that this series would have been so much better with different dynamics.
First of all, there is the perfect setting of a spooky house with walls painted in somber shades of ochre and massive dark furniture as well as heavy draperies shutting out the light. But only certain angles and areas of this house can be seen. Even if you visit the website and look closely there is very little detail shown. We don’t get a true sense of the “mansion.” Just like the haunted house that we went to on Halloween when we were kids, it’s supposed to scare us a little or at least make our hackles rise. It does its best to enhance the mood of mystery and give us a feeling that we are in “the world beyond.” Although there isn’t much illumination indoors, the garden is lush and green and filled with trees and plants. A lot of the challenges or activities take place there.
The house includes five Bedrooms, each specifically designed and furnished to suit the taste of its Alt occupant. Other areas of the House include the Dining Room, the Guests' Dorm, the Alts' Deliberation Chamber, the Pool & Patio including a hot tub and the Confessional Room.
Nudity or near nudity has been a requirement in a few of the episodes’ challenges. Since the Sci Fi Channel is cable they can titillate the audience a tiny bit, but not being totally free of advertisers’ yokes, they have to blur out the ‘naughty’ areas of the bodies. How silly are we getting in this country?
What’s It All About, Sci Fi? The premise is fairly interesting. The people who are running things are called Alts (which I presume stands for alternatives as in life style) including Don the immature vampire, Fiona the Wiccan witch, Ta'Shia, a voodoo priestess, a “Modern Primitive” named Art, and a Naturist (is there such a word?) by the name of Avocado. They range from mildly to wildly amusing. The most interesting of the lot is Art. He is articulate, mellow and never raises his voice. After a while you don’t even see his facial and body tattoos - with entire areas inked out and some mighty strange jewelry – the guy is just so RATIONAL!
The Voodoo woman doesn’t do much except for a few chants every now and again which eerily resemble the names that Fiona the Hollywood (by way of Australia) Wiccan Witch uses in her incantations.
Don behaves in a petulant manner at all times. This is what he believes a vampire’s demeanor calls for in his dim perceptions. For example, in the outdoor scenes Don sits in a garden chair shaded by a large black umbrella. How theatrical in a cheesy way. He’s just read far too many Ann Rice novels.
As I mentioned earlier, Art, the Modern Primitive, seems the most levelheaded and those tattoos of his definitely attest to his commitment. He also dispenses good advice to those who seek it as if he had a Psychology degree or at least tunes in to Dr. Phil on occasion.
Avocado is a dude who likes to braid his hair and run around naked exclaiming the virtues of natural living which seem to fall somewhere between nudity and respecting nature. He’s not as harsh as Fiona, Don or Ta’Shia so he balances out the team of Alts.
One thing with which I cannot find the least bit of fault is the Alts wardrobe. Fiona can go from Goddess robes to hot pants and dominatrix boots without a flicker of her nose. Don is always impeccable in his Vampire attire and Art is faultless in his batik skirts and carefully selected nipple, nose and ear jewelry. Avocado does put on proper organic attire when he decides to dress, and Ta’Shia looks every inch the Voodoo priestess.
Sadly, I cannot say the same for the guests who probably look best when they’re undressed. Their mundane Wal-Mart wardrobe does not impress.
Who Are You And What Are You Doing Here? Ten guests started on this journey and I don’t know what they thought they were getting themselves into, but surely this was not what they expected. It was not simply a situation where people try to outwit one another and excel in the physical challenges, it entailed dealing with strange albeit a little too “Hollywoodish” rituals that would have them rethinking their belief system in general.
In order to make it to the end, the Alts, who assume that they are authorities on everything, want to see the most amount of change in a person and will pick the winner on that basis. The winner will receive $100,000 but if the Alts suspect for one minute that any of the contenders are in it for the money, well then, out they go! Isn’t that a bit hypocritical? Why else would you appear on this show?
The negative aspect of the show are some of the guests. The players range from self involved to downright stupid. Once again it reaffirms my belief that it is the contestants that “make” the show. If you don’t have anyone with an outstanding personality, the show doesn’t transcend mediocrity no matter how original the concept.
The first to go were the ones most resistant to change which included a fat argumentative virgin who lived in a convent, a guy whose strong religious beliefs would not allow him to participate in any of the so-called rituals and other close-minded contestants with one notable exception. A very nice woman named Bonnie was expelled because she had already displayed enough inner change. Whoa! Isn't that what determines the winner?
The ones who still remain include the arch villain – every show must have at least one – and that’s Eric the Puppetmaster as he has named himself in a fit of self-aggrandizement. For some reason best known to himself his mission is to get Malibu Nichole out of there. He is able to find fault with her every move and is hell-bent to send her packing. Remaining contestants are Noel, a wise-cracking janitor and aspiring Quentin Tarantino, Jamie the exotic dancer (read stripper with prerequisite fake boobs), Loana, the modest but backstabbing Christian who was so pious and shy at first who miraculously has opened up and is now a willing participant, and Scapegoat Nichole.
I fail to understand why the others detest Nichole so much that they want to bring about her downfall, particularly Eric who badmouthed her to the seemingly gullible Witch Fiona. Fiona appeared to be cool at first and tried to bring out the best in people by reaching out to them and encouraging them to dig deep, but has now resorted to petty behavior which she calls “testing.” When Fiona is told that Nichole wasn’t really sincere about wanting to be a witch when she was playing kid games with her sister, she is totally appalled. Doesn’t she have some sort of powers to divine people’s intent or was she placed there by Central Casting?
Interesting Challenges Here’s what’s good about the show. Some of the challenges are unique and have never been seen before on any show that I have heard of. For example, in one challenge the guests appear in little loin cloths covering their naughty bits which have to be lifted in order to match up the depicted fruit or vegetable on the inside of the cloth in a variation of the game of “Concentration.” Bonnie sat this one out. She chose not to have her privates made public.
During the Voodoo Trial, the players/contestants had to step into a deep hole that had been dug in the dirt and stand there wrapped only in a sheet while they get doused with dirt, fruit, honey, feathers, fish, seaweed and animal organs which are all elements of voodoo. Buried within this disgusting mess were things that had to be found (doll, rattle, necklace, candle and a key) and placed on Ta’Shia’s altar. The night was chilly and they were shivering pathetically.
There was a nature hike led by none other than Avocado who took all the guests on a romp through the park to teach them which plants are edible should they ever need to survive with not even a Snickers bar in their backpacks. Then everybody stripped to go skinny-dipping in a natural pond but were stopped by The Man in the uniform of a Forest Ranger. I guess you can’t be as free as you want even if you are a Naturist.
Alt Don conducted the energy draining ritual with Noel which looked so phony that I demand some sort of evidence regarding its validity. Noel crumpled like a Yugo’s fender. What did they do to him? Was it Don’s breath? After that while Don was supposedly drinking the blood of his acolyte Gina, Fiona couldn’t stop smirking and then totally denied laughing at Don. She expressed her dismay at his actions. Was it because she wasn’t consulted?
The most dramatic event took place when Alt Art hung from hooks impaled in his back and then chose the much maligned Nichole to “hang with him” in a show of support. Art is a gentle person who finds the good in himself and others. The strange and questionable thing about this particular demonstration was that there wasn’t a sign of blood. I ask myself how is this possible? Didn’t I see the hooks piercing his skin? Wasn’t he hanging suspended with his feet dangling off the ground? Is this his road to enlightenment? He lifts Nichole and holds her as an added show of inner strength. I cannot stop watching. This is truly a highlight of this episode that I call “Hanging With Art.”
Afterwards, I am transported to another plane when Vodoo Woman takes everyone into the kitchen. She points to a rainbow outside that is so Hollywood that I’m not sure it’s real. Everyone is now in a state of ecstasy or pretense.
Deliberation With Prejudice It’s all about inner growth and the Alts make that determination whether they know anything or just pretend to. Each week one guest is exempt after having won a challenge while the others are up for skewering by the Alts. The person with the exemption gets to sit in while the deliberation goes on. They are not allowed to speak unless specifically addressed. This particular week it’s Loana the formerly-pious-and-now-willing acolyte of the metaphysical or she's just hungry for the $100,000.
The Alts are discussing “growth” and see Tim the loudmouth as the child of the group. Nichole still gets her usual bashing and is condemned as a fake but the Alts make it sound like she’s a non-believer with their psycho babbling.
My take on this is that the Alts are just as immature with the exception of Art the Tattooed Wonder, as the guests are. Fiona’s reason for getting rid of Tim was that he would probably drink her urine if she asked him to much to Don’s delight who must have confused urine with blood for a minute.
Tim was summarily dismissed by having the most big beaded necklaces lowered over his disbelieving face (doh! Who me?) and placed around his neck.
Bottom Line Too much meaningless chatter without substance and not enough organization plus poor choice of contestants keeps this show from being as good as it could be.
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